


A Profound Bond

by Yvhvhvtke



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bee-Lover Castiel (Supernatural), Beekeeper Cain (Supernatural), Beekeeper Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean Winchester, Carpenter Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Castiel Has Tattooed Wings, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Says I Love You, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Castiel and Gabriel (Supernatural) are Siblings, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs Alcohol, Dean Winchester Says I Love You, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Demisexuality, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, First Time Bottom Dean Winchester, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester Lives, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Married Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Mary Winchester Lives, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Minor John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Balthazar/Castiel (Supernatural), Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Patient Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Rimming, Sexy Times, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Smut, Sweet Castiel/Dean Winchester, Tattooed Castiel (Supernatural), Tattooed Dean Winchester, Tender Dean Winchester, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-11-26 02:16:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvhvhvtke/pseuds/Yvhvhvtke
Summary: Castiel moves to a new town after divorcing his ex-husband. The house he'd planned to move right into is more of a fixer upper than he was led to believe. It's a good thing the woman working at the local motel knows a carpenter/mechanic who is more than happy to help him renovate his new home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone that doesn't know what a demisexual is; it's someone who has to create an emotional bond with somebody before they can have any sexual feelings toward them. :)

Cas bought the house sight unseen. The ad said it was a fixer upper but that with just a little tlc it would be back to its old glory. The photos showed it needed work, but that it was not in disrepair. The house he was currently standing in was not what they said it was. 

It was obvious that either squatters or kids had been hanging out in the old farmhouse. Walls were tagged and some had holes. The floor was disgusting and the ceilings clearly had water damage. And to make matters worse the house had a damn fuse box, a fuse box! Cas wasn’t even sure it was safe to flip a switch!

Cas sighed as he looked around. There was no way he could put his belongings in the house the way it was and there was no way in hell that he could sleep in the house. At least his stuff was in a pod and not a truck. Gotta look at the bright side, right?

Cas pulled out his phone, looking up the local inn and drove the few miles it took to get to it. It wasn’t anything flashy. It actually looked a little run down and it was next to a bar that looked about the same. At least it had power and water. He sighed and walked into the lobby. Behind the counter was a pretty blonde.

“Hi, um, I need to rent a room.”

The blonde looked up at him from her book. “Single? Double? How many nights?”

“Um, single and, I’m not sure…”

The blonde raised an eyebrow and put the book down. “We talking days? Weeks? Months?”

Cas sighed and looked down. “Possibly months.”

“And why would you need a room for months?”

Cas fidgeted. “I bought a house hoping I could move in and do repairs, but that’s not the case. I’m going to have to hire someone to fix it, or fix it myself.”

“Let me guess, Roman Reality.”

Cas looked up at the blonde. “Yeah.”

“Fucking asshole. Which one is it?”

“427 Mulberry Rd.”

The blonde’s jaw dropped. “The old blue house next to Singer Salvage?”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit. Look, I know someone that can help you.” She fished around until she found a pretty worn business card. “His name’s Dean. He’s an honest guy. He won’t nickel and dime you. Just tell him Jo told you to call.”

Cas looked at the card. Winchester Construction And Car Restoration. Cas tilted his head. “Construction and car restoration?”

Jo laughed. “Yeah. I told him to just get two different cards, but he said it was a waste of money. We don’t get a lot of car restorations out here so he mainly works in construction. Give him a call. He’ll be more than happy to see that house get fixed. Oh! Yeah, let me get you set up in room 10.” She turned and grabbed a key then turned back to Cas, handing it to him

Cas walked down to the room and went inside with his bags. He looked down at the card then dialed the numbers.

“Yeah?”

“Hi. I’m looking for Dean.”

“You got’em.”

“Hi, Dean. My name’s Castiel and I bought a house in town that needs a lot of work. Jo told me to call you.”

“How much is a lot of work?”

Cas sighed. “It’s trashed and unlivable.”

“Damn. Ok. You got time to meet today?”

“Yes. I got a room at Harvelle Inn, but I can meet you at the house.”

“Alright. What’s the address?”

“427 Mulberry Rd.”

There was a moment of silence and Cas thought that maybe the call had been dropped.

“Did you say 427 Mulberry Rd?”

“I did.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

————

Cas was sitting on the porch steps when a shiny black car pulled into the driveway. He stood up and watched as the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on got out of the car. Dean was tall and muscular. His eyes were looking over the house, taking it all in.

“Dean?”

Dean seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and his eyes jumped to Cas. “Yeah. Sorry. I just can’t believe he finally sold it. I’ve been wanting to get my hands on this house for years but Roman said it wasn’t for sale.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. At least you’ll get to help fix it up.”

Dean smiled softly as he moved closer to Cas. “Yeah. I’d like to see this house be appreciated again.” Dean had green eyes and the setting sun bounced off of them like finely polished gems. Cas tried hard to not stare, but he also noticed the dusting of freckles. 

Cas quickly looked at anything but Dean. “So, um, I’m not sure how safe the floors are and the wiring is ancient so I haven’t tried to turn anything on. So just be careful.”

Dean walked in the door looking around. “First thing I’d do is replace the fuse box with a breaker box and start replacing wiring so we’ll have electricity to work with. I’ll look for weak spots in the floor today and mark them.” He said holding up a can of spray paint. “Most of this floor should be good since it’s wood and has a decent subfloor under it. If anything I might have to pull up some planks and replace some of it, if you want to keep the wood that is.”

“Yes. I’d like to keep all the old wood floors if possible.”

Dean nodded. “That’s what I’d do. Cuts down on flooring costs and it’s original to the house. I think I’ll get the downstairs safe then move to upstairs. If you want to move in while we work I can put up a temporary wall on the parlor and make that your room until upstairs is done.”

“That would be great. I can’t really afford the Pod or hotel for very long.”

Dean nodded. “I’ll have to check the roof and siding and make temporary patches until I can get to them.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Might have water damage in the ceiling from the upstairs bathroom. It’s probably old though, unless the roof is leaking.”

Cas looked at the ceiling. How had Dean known the bathroom was there? 

Dean walked over to the stairs and tested the first couple steps. “You can stay down here if you want. Might be soft up here and I’d hate for you to fall through.”

Cas chewed on his bottom lip. He really wanted to see what it looked like up there, but Dean did have a point.

“I can snap some pictures if you want.”

Cas smiled softly. “Thank you.”

Cas looked around while he waited for Dean. He liked that Dean was going over each and every step and not talking about doing anything crazy. He was afraid he’d end up with someone that wanted to replace all the floors and rip out all the things that gave the home character. He looked up when he head a noise from upstairs and hurried to the bottom of them. “Dean? Are you ok?”

“Yeah! Damn cat in the attic scared the shit out of me.”

Cas contained his laughter as well as he could, but as he heard Dean coming down the hall mumbling about a hell cat his laughter burst from him.

“Shut up!” Dean said with a laugh.

“Hell cat? Really, Dean?”

“Thing was huge! It had massive claws and two inch fangs!”

Cas doubled over with laughter. He hadn’t laughed this hard in so long.

“Hey! It’s not funny!” Dean practically whined.

Cas gasped as he wiped his tears. “No. I suppose it isn’t funny that you were almost attacked by a massive hell cat.”

“Damn right. So the upstairs isn’t as bad as I feared. Might be able to save the wood floors up there too. Attic isn’t safe, and no, not because of the beast. It’s really soft up there. I can see daylight through the roof so I might have to replace the whole thing. Not just the shingles. I’ll get my sister out here to help me check it tomorrow. If it’s not in danger of caving in then we might just tarp it for right now.”

“Your sister?”

“Yup, Jo. She helps me on bigger projects. I’ll probably have to pull Sammy in on this one, too. Maybe even Benny.”

Cas swallowed hard. More people typically meant more money. “How much will that all cost me?” He asked softly.

“Hey. Don’t worry about that. None of us will be doing this one to fill our pockets. We all want to see this house become a home again. But, I’ll work out some figures for you tonight if that makes you feel better.”

“It does. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nodded. “See you tomorrow. I’ll let you know when I’m heading this way, but you don’t have to be here when I get here. I won’t need to get inside.”

Cas nodded. “I’ll be here.”

————

Dean got in the car and pulled out of the driveway, heading the short distance to Bobby’s. He pulled out his phone and called Sam. “Sammy! You won’t believe the job I just got!”

Sam laughed. “Must be a good one. Haven’t heard you this excited about a job in a while.”

“It’s our house, Sammy!”

“Our house? The Mulberry house?”

“Yes!”

“Holy shit. Roman sold it?”

“Yeah! And dude, the guy who bought it...holy shit. He has these eyes...and these lips...and his hair…”

Sam laughed. “Dean, those are features most people have.”

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“His eyes are so blue, Sammy. Anyhow, all his stuff is in a Pod until we can get it in the house and he’s staying at Jo’s.”

“So what I’m hearing is super fast turn around with very little pay.”

“Basically. You ok with that? I’ll need everyone’s help on this one.”

“You know I am.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting some work done.

When Cas pulled up the next day Dean’s Impala was already in the driveway along with a Jeep he’d seen at the Inn. Dean and Jo were already inspecting the roof from the outside. Cas got out of the car, pulling out donuts, kolaches, and coffee.

“Got us some breakfast.”

Dean looked down at him. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Cas shrugged and put the food on the hood of his car. “I needed food. Figured it’d be rude to bring some for just me.”

Dean climbed down the ladder and walked over to him with Jo following shortly after. “Thanks.” He said as he grabbed a kolache. “It’s looking like we’ll have to replace the roof. We shouldn’t have to do that yet, but I wouldn’t put new shingles on it how it is. We can tarp it for now and focus on the electricity and water. I’ll have to have a dumpster brought out for the project. Oh, here are the figures.” Dean pulled some papers from the Impala and handed them to Cas.

Cas looked over the numbers. “You aren’t charging nearly enough. These prices are just a little above cost. Where are the prices for labor?”

“That’s it. I’m not taking this on to get rich.” He looked back at the house with fondness. “I remember this house being beautiful and filled with happiness. I have some great memories here.”

“Dean?”

Dean seemed to snap out of a trance. “I’m sorry. What?”

“You have great memories here?”

Dean sighed. “Yeah. I grew up here. That window, right there…” He said pointing to an upstairs window. “That was my room. Still has my name carved into the windowsill.” He said with a chuckle.

“Why didn’t you buy it?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Dick wanted me to date him. I turned him down. He told me he’d let the house rot before he ever sold it. Guess he just meant to me or anyone I knew.”

“Wow. That sucks. Sounds like my ex…” Cas sighed when his phone rang. “Speak of the Devil.” He muttered before answering. “What do you want, Balthazar? I’m kinda busy… No. I’m not coming back. Are you fucking insane?... You love me? Really? You didn’t love me when you were cheating on me or hurting me!... I really don’t have time to talk to you anymore. I’m spending time with my new boyfriend and he’s way more of a man than you are...in every way.” Cas hung up while yelling could be heard over the phone. “Sorry about that.”

Jo smirked. “New boyfriend, huh?”

Cas blushed. “I panicked. I just want him to stop calling me. I’m done with him. I didn’t just move a few states away to go running back to him.”

Dean fidgeted a little. “I’m gonna run and get some of the supplies we’ll need. I’ll be back.”

Cas watched Dean leave then looked at Jo. “Thanks for putting me in touch with him. I’m still upset about how much work the house needs, but I’m not as worried about it anymore.”

Jo smiled softly. “Dean’s a great guy. When he’s done you won’t even remember what it looked like.”

Cas looked up as a burgundy truck pulled up into the yard and a tall guy with long brown hair got out. “Can I help you?”

The guy smiled at him the looked at the house. “You must be, Cas.”

“I am. And you are?”

The man walked over to Cas and held his hand out. “I’m Sam, Dean’s brother.”

Cas shook Sam’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Sam nodded. “Is it ok if I go in and look around?”

“Sure.”

Jo grabbed one more donut. “I’ve gotta head back to the Inn. Dean’s gonna tarp the roof and run new electrical today. Maybe even get to the plumbing.”

Sam raised his eyebrow. “The whole house in one day?”

“Nope. He’s focusing on the downstairs only for right now. He’ll probably need your help, if you’re able to stay.”

“I am.” Sam gave Jo a hug and kissed the top of her head. “We might be at your mom’s after this. I’m sure we’ll need burgers and drinks.”

“Let me know. I could meet y’all there.” Jo said as she got in her Jeep and left.

Sam walked into the house with Cas following. “Dean told me you grew up here.”

Sam glanced at Cas. “Yeah. It was a long time ago.” He looked around. “Dean say he’s getting a dumpster soon?”

“He mentioned getting one. I’m not sure when though.”

Sam nodded. “I’ve got some construction bags and gloves in the car. We can start clearing out this trash while he’s at the store. I can go grab some shovels from next door. Might be easier to just shovel it all into bags.”

“Next door? The salvage place?”

“Yeah. Bobby Singer. He’s like a dad to us. He’s married to Ellen, Jo’s mom. He’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s a big softy. You ever need anything out here just go over there. He or Dean will help you.”

“Dean lives there?”

“For the time being. He was with someone for a while. Playing house, you know. It didn’t work out so he packed up and moved to Bobby’s. Said it was only short term until he found a new place. Been there a little over a year now. It’s just convenient, you know. He works on the restorations there and helps Bobby and Ellen around the house. I’m gonna go get those shovels. Wanna come with me so you can meet Bobby?”

“Sure.”

————

Cas helped Sam fill another bag with trash. If the house didn’t have damage on the walls then it would actually look pretty good right now. Most of the trash had been removed. He looked toward the front door when it opened.

“Cas? Damn you’ve been busy. I need to get that dumpster so we can clear the mountain out front.” He glanced over at his brother. “What are you doing here, bitch?”

“Jo had to go back to the Inn, jerk. She asked me to come help you.”

“Awesome.” Dean said as he looked around. “Damn. Getting that trash cleared out made this place look way better. I was afraid we’d have to tangle that when I got back and I’d have less time with the wiring. Good thinking, Sammy.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“So, I’m gonna go change out the boxes then we can get to work on pulling wires.” Dean looked at Cas. “I don’t know if Sam told you or not, but we can go next door for a bathroom and lunch. I should have told you the other day that you could bring a change of clothes and shower there, too.”

“Yes. I met Bobby earlier when we went to get shovels. He said something about getting us pizzas for lunch.”

“Awesome. He’s a good man, like a dad to us.” Dean put on his head lamp and switched it on then went down to the basement.

Cas smirked. “Hope you don’t run into anymore hell cats down there.”

“Duuuuuude.” Dean whined.

Cas doubled over laughing.

“Do I want to know?” Sam asked.

“No! And you don’t need to know, Sammy!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean work on the house and Dean finds out about Cas being demisexual.

Listening to Sam and Dean’s brotherly banter while they ran wire was highly amusing. In some ways it reminded Cas of how he and his brother, Gabriel, were. In a way it made him feel more at home. Eventually Sam had to leave and Dean did what he could, with a little help from Cas. 

As Dean finished up he glanced over at Cas. “So, you wanna go out with me? You know, grab some drinks?”

Cas stiffened slightly. “Grab some drinks? Like a date?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. Like a date.”

Cas fidgeted uncomfortably. “I, uh, I’m not…”

“It’s cool, Cas. You can say no. I just...I dunno. It seems like we have good chemistry.”

Cas chewed on his lip. “I’m demisexual.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “I’m sorry. What?”

Cas sighed. “I’m demisexual. I have to form an emotional bond before I’m ready for anything that dating would bring. I mean, I can look at you and think you’re hot, but it doesn’t  _ do _ anything for me without that bond. I can just appreciate your good looks. I also don’t like to be touched. Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl.” He said with a shutter.

“Wow. That’s gotta be hard.”

Cas crossed one arm across his chest, grabbing his upper arm and digging his nails in. “It is. Nobody understands. Everyone is too busy and just hoping for some kind of instant connection. They don’t want to have to work for it anymore. I’m not worth the hassle.”

Dean went to reach for Cas to comfort him, then dropped his hand. “Whoever said you’re not worth the hassle was a jackass. When I first saw you I was interested. The little bit of time we’ve spent together has only made me more interested.”

Cas hugged himself tightly. “I’m sorry that I can’t say the same.”

“How about we work on getting to know each other while fixing your place up and if you feel something toward me you let me know?” Cas slowly glanced up at Dean. “I’ll try my best to not do anything that will make you uncomfortable, but if I do I want you to tell me.”

Cas nodded. “Ok.”

Dean smiled then chewed on his lip. “I just have one question. If you don’t like to be touched…” Dean blushed.

Cas blushed and fidgeted. “I enjoy sex, Dean. The bond has to be stronger for me to be comfortable with that though.”

“Makes sense.”

Cas kicked at the floor. “So you don’t think I’m weird or impossible or that I’ll be too much work? I mean it’s always possible that an emotional bond won’t form.”

Dean looked at Cas with sad eyes. “No, Cas. I don’t think any of that. And if the bond doesn’t form then we’ll still be friends.”

Cas wiped away a tear and battled with himself before closing the gap and hugging Dean. Dean very slowly wrapped his arms around Cas. “Is this ok?”

Cas stiffened and shifted uncomfortably. Dean quickly removed his hands and Cas backed away from him. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”

“No. No, it’s ok. I hugged you. Hugging me back is the normal reaction. But thank you.”

“I’m glad we talked about this. I’ve got a few friends I’ll have to warn, if you’re ok with me doing that.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “Why would you have to warn them about anything?”

Dean gave him an apologetic smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Maybe that was a bad way to say it. I just know my friends are huggers, especially Charlie. Friend or not she’ll come bouncing over for a tight bear hug. So I need to  _ inform _ them that you don’t like to be touched so they don’t make you uncomfortable.”

Cas relaxed a little. “That would be appreciated.”

————

The next week had Cas seeing less of his house and more of the inside of his hotel room. His publisher had been hounding him about getting the next update on his book and between moving and trying to fix up the house he hadn’t gotten any writing done. Luckily this past week he had been able to knock out a few chapters to send to his editor.

Cas checked his emails then pulled up his bank app and checked his account with a groan. He quickly dialed Dean’s number and waited.

“Hey, Cas. How’s work going?”

“I made some progress. I’m hoping it’s enough for now. How soon will I be able to move things into the house?”

“Uh. We’re still a while away from that.”

Cas sighed and dropped his forehead to the table with a thud.

“Ok. Ouch. I heard that thud from here. What’s going on?”

“I don’t have enough to extend the Pod and they’ll be coming for it Friday. I also really can’t afford to stay here. I...I don’t know what to do.” He said as his voice broke and tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Hey. Hey. Calm down. It’s gonna be ok. We can put your stuff in the garage at Bobby’s and there’s an extra room. You can use it. Bobby has internet so you can still do your work.”

Cas sniffled and wiped his eyes. “Are you sure it’s ok? That I won’t get in the way?” 

“Yeah, Cas. How about you pack up and let Jo know you’re checking out then come over here so we can start moving stuff into the garage?”

“Ok.”

Cas proceeded to pack up all his belongings and load them into the car before checking out of the hotel. He then drove the few miles to his house and wasn’t too surprised to see Dean with a trailer behind his truck near the Pod. He slowly got out of the car and walked over to him.

“You’re sure Bobby will be ok with this?”

“Bobby won’t care. I’m in an apartment over the garage.”

Cas fidgeted. “So I’m going to be living with you?”

“Well, yeah. Just like roommates. Is that ok?”

Cas took a deep breath. “Yeah. Thank you, Dean.”

Over the next few hours all of Castiel’s belongings were shifted from the Pod to the garage. It was a slow process, but Cas was excited that Dean had made sure things were arranged so Cas could access something if he needed it, which he was unable to do in the Pod. 

Boxes of clothing were put in the apartment so he’d have more of a selection than what his suitcase held. Dean had even told him to decorate if he wanted to, to make it feel more like home so he’d be more comfortable. 

After getting everything settled Dean insisted on making burgers for dinner and they ate in silence in the living room watching movies. Cas was amazed at how comfortable he was around Dean like this, but they were just friends sharing an apartment and nothing more. As long as Dean remembered that then there wouldn’t be any problems


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean learns a pretty big secret about Cas.

Cas woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and bacon. He glanced around the room trying to remember where we was. Dean’s house. He was living with Dean. All the anxiety came flooding in. Yeah, Dean had said they were just roommates, but Cas knew Dean wanted more. What if he was like his college roommate and just being friends wasn’t enough? What if tried to force Cas to be ready to do things with him?

No. Dean wasn’t like that. Dean showed he was interested and when Cas explained everything Dean backed off and said he was fine being friends. Dean hadn’t touched him or flirted or done anything to make him uncomfortable.

Cas slowly got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. He found Dean sipping on coffee while reading a book. “What are you reading?” Cas asked as he put food on a plate and got some coffee.

Dean jumped and almost spilled coffee on himself. “Jesus. I, uh, it’s from a series I like. It’s about two brothers that drive across the country fighting monsters.”

It was Cas’ turn to almost drop his mug. “...Supernatural?”

Dean looked surprised. “You’ve heard of it?”

Cas laughed a little. “Yeah. I’m surprised you have. It’s got a fan base, but not a very large one. Which one is that?” Cas asked holding his hand out for the book.

Dean handed it over.

“Mmmm. Yes. One of my favorites. I think the addition of the angels brought a lot to the series, don’t you?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah. Misha is one of my favorite characters. I heard he was just supposed to be a minor character and the author fell in love with him and made him a main player. I’m glad he did. I can’t imagine the rest of the series without him.”

Cas smiled softly as he ran his fingers over the obviously well loved book. “Yeah. I’m glad I built up his characters.”

“Me too.” Dean pauses for a moment “Wait. What?”

Cas picked up a pen from the table and opened the book, signing it, then handed it back to Dean. Dean looked at Cas with wide eyes then looked at the signature inside. “To Dean, Thanks for everything. C.J. Shurley.” His eyes shot back up to Cas. “You’re C.J. Shurley?”

Cas laughed softly. “Castiel James Novak. Shurley is my mom’s maiden name so I used it for my pen name.”

“Holy shit.”

Cas was highly amused. He’d done his best to stay out of the public’s eye so he wasn’t surprised that Dean didn’t recognize him. “I’m very flattered that you like the series so much, Dean. When I get to go through boxes I’ll have to give you a full set of hardbacks, all signed of course.”

“That would be awesome!”

Cas smiled and took a sip of his coffee. He went into the bedroom and dug through a box then returned to the kitchen and dropped a bound stack of papers in front of Dean.

Dean looked from the papers to Cas. “What’s this?”

Cas sat back down and munched on some bacon. “The book that’s coming out this fall. Thought you might like to be the first fan to read it.”

Dean carefully touched the manuscript. “Are you sure?”

Cas nodded. “Yes. After you finish it I can let you look at what I have written. Maybe you can help push me when I get stuck? Balthazar was never really all that helpful. He didn’t care to read what I wrote.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “Your boyfriend didn’t support your writing?”

Cas fiddled with his coffee mug. “My husband. That was a huge mistake. The bond I had with him was great for a while. Then I had to go on a trip to see my publisher. I came back and he was abusive, physically and emotionally. He tried to say I was cheating on him with my publisher, Hannah.” Cas huffed at that. “The things he said...and did...it broke the bond I had with him. Without it I didn’t feel anything toward him anymore. And I still don’t. I filed for a divorce. He wanted the house, my house. I didn’t really want to give it up, but I realized I needed to get away. I needed somewhere new to start fresh. Saw that blue house online and fell in love with it and now I’m here.”

Dean stared at Cas for a moment. “Wow. Well, you’ve got plenty of friends here that will support you and your writing. Charlie is gonna flip when she finds out who you are.”

Cas smiled softly. “I can’t wait to meet her. I have a feeling she’ll end up in the books somehow.”

“Am I going to be in the books?”

Cas laughed a little. “You already remind me of Jensen.” He looked Dean over. “You could easily fit the description of him as well. I’ve never mentioned freckles, but it’s possible Jensen could have them. I just have to ask. Are you quite the ladies man that he is?”

Dean flashed Cas his award winning grin and winked. “I’ve just been reining it all in so I wouldn’t make you uncomfortable, gorgeous.”

Cas squirmed a little. “I appreciate that.”

“So who are you in the book?”

Cas smirked and took a sip of his coffee. “Misha.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up then returned to their normal position. “I can see that. Dark hair, blue eyes, a little awkward, but really strong.”

Cas narrowed his eyes with a slight head tilt. “Awkward, Dean?”

“Oh my god….that was so Misha!”

Cas blushed a little. “Shut up.”

Dean laughed softly and took a sip of coffee. “So how was your first night here? Were you comfortable? Are you comfortable now?”

Cas sat back a little and thought about this. “Yes. I am. I’m actually quite surprised at how comfortable I am here. The last time I had a sudden roommate I was a complete mess. I stayed locked in my room most of the time...until I got used to him. But then…” Cas wrapped his arms around himself with a shutter.

“He didn’t respect your boundaries?”

Cas huffed a laugh. “That’s one way of putting it. I didn’t have any kind of bond with him.” Cas said softly as he picked at crumbs on the plate. “I wasn’t comfortable with him even touching me and he…”

Dean sighed. “Cas…” he stood up and reached for Cas. “Can I?”

Cas chewed on his lip and nodded. Dean helped him up and gently wrapped his arms around him. “If this isn’t ok or gets to be too much let me know.”

Cas nodded against Dean’s chest. It wasn’t the most comfortable feeling, but being held like this by Dean wasn’t all that bad. Dean’s hand making soothing circles on his back was actually soothing him. But before too long he started feeling that familiar itch under his skin and had to pull away.

“Thank you for doing that, Dean.”

Dean smiled softly and sat back down. “I’m surprised you let me hold you for as long as you did.”

Cas sat with a shrug. “I’m more comfortable with you now. It was still a little uncomfortable, but that’s pretty normal. It was similar to how it feels when family touches me.”

Dean looked surprised. “So the no touch thing goes for family, too?”

“Well, I hug them, but I’d rather not. I typically have friends that I’m more comfortable with than my own family.”

“I hope Charlie gets to that level or you’re going to be uncomfortable every time you see her. She’ll honestly try to hold back, but I know she’ll forget. I fell off a roof once and she tried her best to not hug me, lets just say it hurt like a bitch when she forgot and she felt like total shit for forgetting.”

“So brace myself anytime she’s around?”

“Definitely.”

————

Cas walked into the house to find Dean in his chair in the corner reading the manuscript. He smiled softly as he stood there watching Dean’s expressions as he read. I was one of his favorite things to do, honestly. Not just with Dean, but with anyone he caught reading one of his books. He liked trying to figure out what part of the book they were reading just from the expression they were making. The fact that nobody knew who he was made that just that much easier. 

“Is there a reason you’re standing there staring at me?”

“I like to watch people read my books.”

Dean glanced up at Cas over the manuscript. “That seems a little creeperish, Cas.”

Cas shrugged. “It’s fun to try to figure out what part they’re reading based on the expressions they make.”

“Do you ever guess right?”

Cas laughed softly as he sat on the couch. “I never ask anyone, but I think I do.”

“What part do you think I was reading?”

Cas thought hard about this. “I didn’t get to observe much, but I’d say Misha was holding his badge upside down and Jensen was aggravated by it.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Damn. How’d you do that?”

Cas shrugged. “I might be more spot on with you since I actually know you. You just had that look of ‘That’s so Misha’ or more accurately ‘That’s so something I could see Cas doing.’”

Dean belted out in laughter. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. You know, it’s weird reading this and actually being able to picture characters. I mean I always had an idea of what people looked like, but now I see us instead of some made up image.”

Cas hummed and nodded. “Where your versions much different than the real thing?”

Dean placed a marker in the manuscript then set it down. “It’s hard to say really. I never really pictured facial features with a ton of detail and I based expressions off of ones I’d seen other people make. Misha’s expressions...your expressions make the character come to life more. As for Jensen and Jared? I kinda always saw them as me and Sam so it was easy to picture them vividly.”

“Hmmmm. Yes. I can see Sam as Jared. He’s a bit taller than I pictured and his hair is shaggier, but I can see where you saw Sam in him.”

“So are those two actually based off people you know?”

“Not really. Most of the characters aren’t. I’ll pull bits and pieces from people I’ve known sometimes, but most of my characters are just imagined. There’s a few that were spurred by just random encounters. Sometimes it’s someone’s appearance or the way they smiled or played with their hair.”

“So since they’ve already been described how would you add something to them? Like you said you might mention Jensen having freckles. They haven’t been mentioned and you’ve described him a few times.”

Cas shrugged as if doing something like that wasn’t hard. “Maybe nobody else has really paid that close of attention to them. They notice his green eyes first then his good looks.”

“Ok. So who would pay close enough attention to mention it?”

Cas cleared his throat softly. “Misha. He does tend to stare.”

Dean laughed. “And he’d find my freckles intriguing?”

“Yes.”

“So how would that play out?”

Cas thought hard for a moment trying to imagine the scene in his head. “I think he’d be the most intrigued by the ones most people wouldn’t notice like the ones on your ears or eyelids or perhaps the few on your upper lip.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as a blush crept across his cheeks. “Damn, Cas.” He said as he covered his face. “But yeah, most people don’t notice those. Some people are surprised to find out I have them everywhere, not just on my face.”

Cas’ eyebrows arched slightly. “Everywhere?”

“Yeah. I’m literally covered in them.”

Cas’ eyes drifted from Dean’s face to his lap then back to his face, which was redder than it had been.

“Yeah. Even there.”

“Interesting.” Cas said as he pulled a notebook from his back pocket and started writing in it.

“...What are you doing?”

Cas continued writing then paused in thought. “Jotting down how that scene might play out.” He said before writing more.

“Is it gonna include my dick?”

Cas chuckled. “Perhaps. It seems like something Misha would do...since I did.”

Dean rubbed his hand over his face. “Why do I get the feeling I’ll be reading our conversations in future books?”

Cas smirked softly as he put the notebook back in his pocket. “Because you will.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets an unexpected visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t hate me. You knew Balthazar would show up at some point.
> 
> There is attempted rape in this chapter. It doesn’t go into detail and Dean gets there before it can happen.

Dean was getting some tools out of the truck when a rental car pulled up. The guy that got out looked at the house with disgust then looked back at his phone and looked around until his eyes landed on Dean.

“Is this 427 Mulberry Rd?”

“Yeah. Can I help you with something?”

“I’m looking for Cassie. I was told he lives here?” He looked over the house with disbelief.

Dean leaned against the truck and crossed his arms. “It’s his house. He’ll live here when I’m done fixing it.”

“Where is he now?”

“At home working.”

The guy rolled his eyes. “I don’t have time for games. I need to speak to Cassie…..about his book.”

Dean relaxed a little. “Oh. You’re from the publisher’s office. He’s next door in my apartment above the garage.” He said as he pointed at Bobby’s property.

“Thank you.” The guy got in his car and drove next door. He went up the stairs and knocked on the door.

Cas looked up from his computer and went to the door, opening it with a gasp. “Balthazar…”

Balthazar pushed Cas into the apartment and closed the door. “Hello, Cassie.”

————

Dean worked on the house, but something about the guy that had shown up just wasn’t sitting right with him. For one, the guy never even introduced himself. Wouldn’t someone from a publisher’s office do something like that? 

He really wanted to go check on Cas, but what if the guy really was over there discussing the book and it was something private? But would that matter? Cas wanted him to read it. He looked at his watch. It was close enough to lunch time to use that as an excuse to drop in.

Dean got in his truck and drove over to Bobby’s. He parked it next to Baby and went up into the apartment. Cas’ laptop and notes were on the table. “Cas?”

“Dean! Mppfffh!”

Dean ran down the hallway to Cas’ room and threw the door open. Balthazar had Cas naked and tied to the bed. He had his own naked body pressed against Cas’ making sure every inch was touching and he was trying push himself into him.

Dean saw red. He rushed over to the bed and yanked Balthazar off of Cas, slamming him against the wall. His fist connected with the other man’s jaw and face until he slumped to the ground. Dean turned and looked at Cas, who was shaking and trying hard to breathe. He pulled out his pocket knife and cut the ropes that kept him bound. “Cas?”

Cas curled up in a tight ball and started sobbing. Dean carefully wrapped him in his blanket and sat on the bed holding him. “It’s ok. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Dean called Jody and explained that he needed her to come pick up Balthazar. As he waited he held Cas, making sure no skin touched. “Who is he?”

Cas sniffled. “Balthazar.”

Dean sighed. “I’m so sorry, Cas. He said he was from your publisher’s office and had to talk to you about the book. Something just didn’t sit right with me. I’m glad I listened to my gut and came to check on you.” Dean gently lifted Cas’ chin so he could inspect the marks on his face. “I shouldn’t have told him where you were. I should have gotten his name first...or came over here with him.”

Cas rested his head back on Dean’s chest. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault. You got here in time, Dean.”

Dean heard the front door open. “Dean?”

“Guest room, Jody.”

Jody walked back there and stopped in the doorway. “Ok. So what happened?”

After Dean and Cas explained what had happened Jody cuffed Balthazar and Dean helped her get the still naked man down the stairs and into the car. Jody threw Balthazar’s clothes in the car then turned to Dean. “I’ll get a restraining order started for Cas. Get back up there and take care of your man.”

“He’s not my man, Jody.”

“Mmmhmmm.” Jody turned and got in the squad car and left.

Dean went back in the apartment and into Cas’ room. “Want me to hold you some more?”

Cas looked at Dean with tears streaming down his cheeks and nodded. Dean got back on the bed and pulled Cas back to him. “Jody’s getting a restraining order going for you.”

“Thank you.”

Dean squeezed Cas just a little tighter. “Want me to get the ropes off? I was scared to do that because I’d have to touch you.”

Cas nodded and held his wrists up. Dean grabbed his knife and gently held each wrist as he slid the blade under the rope and cut through it. He hesitantly brought both wrists up and kissed where the rope had bit into Cas’ skin. Cas’ whole body shivered at the touch. “Too far?”

Cas shook his head. He brought his wrists back down and pulled the blanket tight around himself then snuggled against Dean with his forehead resting against his neck.

“Are you going to be ok staying in this room?”

“I’m not ready to share a room.”

Dean turned his head and kissed Cas’ forehead. “Not what I was offering. If you can’t be in here after what just happened then I’ll switch rooms with you.”

Cas smiled softly. “I’ll be ok, Dean, but thank you for the offer. It’s not the first time he’s done that, but it’s the first time someone was around to stop it. I only had to endure him touching me. If it had gotten past that then I would be taking you up on that offer. Thank you for getting here when you did.”

“I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

Cas smiled and squirmed a little. “I need to get dressed.”

Dean nodded and gently moved Cas so he was sitting on the bed. “Are you ok? Do we need to go to a doctor?”

“I’m fine, Dean. I’m sore, but he’s done worse than this.”

“You gonna be ok here? I need to finish what I was doing at your house.”

Cas chewed on his lip, wincing at the pain that caused. “I’d rather go over there with you.”

Dean nodded. “I’ll wait in the kitchen.”

Cas watched as Dean walked out the door. He took a few deep breaths to try to compose himself. He was still pretty shaken by what had just happened. He knew from past experience that it sometimes took hours to not feel the prickly sensation that was left after being touched by Balthazar. But this time the feeling was already becoming just a memory. 

Somehow Dean being there...holding him...made it better. He knew there was a bond forming. If it wasn’t then he wouldn’t have been comfortable with Dean holding him like that. Cas smiled a little when he realized that Dean had covered as much skin as possible with the blanket so they wouldn’t have skin on skin contact. Dean honestly cared about him and wanted to make sure he was comfortable.

Cas looked down at his wrists, the wrists that Dean had kissed...and he’d been ok with it. The contact didn’t make his skin crawl. He still wasn’t sexually attracted to Dean, but he had a feeling it was heading that way. He’d never been this comfortable around someone this quickly. It had taken four months for him to be ok with Balthazar’s touches and a total of eight months before he was ok with anything more than that. And here he was, just a few weeks in with Dean and his touches comforted him.

Cas carefully got up, wincing at the soreness in his body. He pulled out some clothes and slowly pulled them on then joined Dean in the kitchen.

“You’re limping.”

“Only a little. I’ll be fine, Dean.”

“You shouldn’t tackle the stairs today. Is it ok if I give you a piggyback ride?”

“I guess. I’ve never had one before.”

Dean got into position and told Cas what to do. Once Cas was holding on and Dean had his legs he stood up. “You ok like this?”

“Yes.”

Dean took Cas down the stairs and to the truck. He let go of one leg long enough to open the door then he backed Cas onto the seat. “Go ahead and let go.” After Cas was safely in the truck Dean got in the drivers side.

“Will we do that again to go upstairs?” Cas asked softly.

“Only if you want to and are comfortable with it.”

For the next few hours Cas chatted with Dean and watched him while he worked. He tried to help a few times, but Dean wouldn’t allow it since he was hurting.

Sam walked in around dinner time with some food. “So, where is Cas’ Pod and does it have anything to do with Baby being parked outside?”

Dean shot Sam a look. “It does. He couldn’t afford to extend the rental so we moved everything to the garage.”

“If you would have told me you park your car in there I wouldn’t have taken your offer.”

Sam glanced over at Cas. “Holy shit! What happened?”

Cas sighed and looked down. “My ex showed up. Dean stopped him from doing anything worse and had him arrested.”

“So you’re ok?”

“Yeah. Just sore. Dean won’t let me help with anything because of it.”

“Hey. You’ve been helping to keep me company.” Dean said as he smiled at Cas, who gave a small smile back.

“Ok. So my next question is, why is Cas’ car at your place?”

“He’s living with me until the house is ready.”

Sam sighed. “Dean…”

“It’s not like that, Sammy. He’s in the guest room.”

“He’s been a perfect gentleman, Sam.”

“Yeah! I’m a perfect gentleman!”

Sam laughed so hard he was crying. “Dean? A gentleman?”

“Bitch!”

“Jerk.”

Cas shook his head with an eye roll. There was never a dull moment with these two.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets “the guys”

Cas followed Dean into the dimly lit bar. It wasn’t their first time at the Roadhouse. He’d grabbed drinks with Dean and Sam before and sometimes Jo joined them. Tonight was different though. Dean had invited him to “hang out with the guys”. Cas knew Dean had already told his friends about him not liking physical contact and at the moment he was very appreciative of that. A fiery redhead came bounding across the bar, hugging Dean with so much force it had him stumbling backwards to keep from falling. Cas assumed this was Charlie.

“Dean! It’s been ages!”

Dean laughed heartily as he hugged Charlie back. “It’s only been a few weeks, Red.”

“It still felt like ages.” Charlie said as she pulled away and clasped her hands behind her back as she gazed at Cas. “You must be Castiel.” She said as she rocked on her heels.

“Control yourself, Charlie.”

“I know, I know. No touchy.” She said with an eye roll.

Dean looked at his brother when he called and motioned for him from the bar. He smiled softly at Cas then went over to Sam.

Cas glanced at Charlie, who was still bouncing in place and sighed. “He told you didn’t he?”

Charlie nodded enthusiastically. “I can’t believe you’re really him!”

Cas laughed softly. “Not what you were expecting?”

“Oh, no, it’s not that. It’s just you’ve been so elusive. I’ve tried multiple times to find out your identity and haven’t been successful.” She said with a shrug. 

“Well, my real name’s never been released so I’m not surprised.”

“Yeah, but even your publisher doesn’t have your real name on record and the account they deposit to is in your pen name.”

Cas furrowed his brows. “How do you know all that?”

Charlie blushed slightly. “Well, I’m a hacker so…” Cas’ eyebrows shot up at that. Charlie put her hands up in a non threatening way. “I’m not some psycho stalker or anything and I’d never release anything personal I found out about you. I was just...curious. I just wanted to know more about the guy that wrote one of my favorite series. Ok. I know that sounds stalkerish, but I swear I’m not. I was just intrigued by the challenge.”

Cas moved with Charlie to a table and sat down, both ordering a beer. “Yes. I had to go to great lengths to keep my identity a secret. I wrote a few stories under my real name before changing to my pen name and my family managed to get a hold of what little bit I’d earned from them. When I came up with the Supernatural series I knew I didn’t want them to have any access to whatever I made so I created the alias.”

Charlie took a sip from her beer. “Yeah. Once I knew your real name I looked into you.” Cas rose a questioning eyebrow. “What? I’d been trying to get info for ages and I finally had your real identity. I had to see if there was some deep, dark secret you were trying to hide. I didn’t find anything like that. I did find information about your brothers. I can see why you’d want to keep your money out of their hands.”

Cas sighed and took a swig. “Only Michael and Luke. I have a great relationship with Gabriel and he knows about the books. He’s the only one in the family that does.”

Charlie nodded then chewed on her lip. “I saw that your ex took a lot from you in the divorce.”

Cas rubbed his hand over his face. “Yeah. I just wanted out. The longer it dragged out the longer I’d have to deal with him so I just gave him what he wanted so we could sign the papers and be done.”

“You know he’s been stealing money from you for a while? He’s been withdrawing money and moving it to a separate account.”

Cas starred at Charlie for a moment. “I’d always wondered. He’d remove large sums and I’d question what it was for and he’d say he booked a trip or something, but never go. I always assumed he was seeing someone on the side or doing something shady.”

“Oh. He was. Dean told me he showed up here and Jody arrested him. I turned what I found over to her, anonymously of course. Just the illegal shit, not the stealing cause then I wouldn’t be able to drain that account and move the money to yours.”

Cas wasn’t sure how to react. He pulled his phone from his pants and checked his bank. He gasped and almost dropped the phone when he saw the amount. “I didn’t realize he’d taken so much… Thank you.”

Charlie reached across the table and gently placed her hand on Cas’ arm. Cas didn’t flinch at the touch he just looked up at her. “You’re welcome. It’s your money. You deserve to have it, not him. He took enough from you.”

Cas nodded and glanced at Dean when something Sam said made him double over in laughter. Charlie’s eyes also went to Dean and she squeezed Cas’ arm lightly as she looked back at him. “He won’t take anything from you if you’re worried about that. He’s a great guy, Castiel, and I know he cares about you a lot.”

Cas looked back at Charlie. “He told you that?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t have to. The way he talks about you all the time told me enough. Like, seriously, if you weren’t demi then he would have already made his move and you’d be together. But, I think it’s a good thing that you are. It’s forced things to go slowly. Dean’s never really had to do that before. He feels attracted to someone and he acts on it. Sometimes it turns into something, sometimes it results in one night of fun, but either way he always ends up alone. The fact that he’s willing to wait for you...knowing that you might not ever feel attracted to him says a lot.”

Cas glanced back at Dean and saw a busty blonde openly flirting with him. It made something inside of him ache. 

“Don’t worry about her. He won’t go home with her.”

Cas looked back at Charlie. “If he’s interested then he should. He shouldn’t put his life on hold for me.”

Charlie shook her head. “He’s not interested in anyone but you right now. He might flirt. It’s in his nature. But trust me when I tell you he only wants to go home with you.”

Cas smiled softly at that thought. For some reason the thought of Dean only wanting to go home with him warmed his heart and sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He glanced at a table near the bar. “Who’s that guy that keeps staring at me?”

Charlie glanced over. “Oh. That’s Garth. He was told he’s not allowed near you unless Dean’s with you.”

Cas gave Charlie a questioning look. “Um, why? Should I be concerned?”

Charlie waved her hand like it was nothing. “No. He’s not dangerous. He just can’t control his urge to hug and they normally last longer than anyone is comfortable with. Since you’re a friend of Dean he considers you a friend of his and it’s killing him he can’t hug you.”

“Oh.”

“Ok. So I know you know Dean, Sam, Jo, and Ellen, right?”

“I also know Benny. He helped Dean at my house a few times.”

“Right. So there’s Garth. Total sweetheart. He thinks the world is rainbows and puppy dogs and he loves hugs. The guy next to him is Kevin. Great guy. Total brainiac. If his mom knew he was here she’d come drag him out even though he’s old enough to drink. So he obviously told her we were just grabbing burgers. The woman with them is Billie. She’s a total badass. Um, the woman with her hand on Dean’s shoulder is Bella. They’ll flirt, but that’s all it is. They’ve been doing it for years. There’s a few more that aren’t here right now. Like my girlfriend, Gilda. She wasn’t feeling well enough to come out tonight.”

Cas nodded and glanced back at Garth with a sigh. “If I let him hug me will he stop staring?”

“More than likely.”

Cas took a deep breath then got up and walked over to the table. “Go ahead.”

Garth jumped up, pulling Cas into a warm hug. “Nice to meet you, Castiel.” Cas tried his best to keep from squirming.

“5...4...3...2…” Dean placed his hand on Garth’s shoulder and pulled him away. “That was long enough, Buddy.” Dean said then sighed as Garth turned and pulled him in for a hug. 

Cas laughed softly at Dean’s predicament and mouthed ‘thank you’ to him.

After a moment Dean pushed Garth away. “Ok. Go find someone else to hug. Just not Cas.” Dean watched Garth walk off and hug Bela who groaned in response then looked back at Cas. “You didn’t have to let him do that.”

Cas shrugged. “The staring was more uncomfortable than the hug.”

After also hugging Charlie, because come on it just wasn’t fair Garth got one and she didn’t, Cas got a chance to meet and chat with each of Dean’s friends. He never thought he’d move and make even one friend let alone a group of friends. 

In a way he was glad that his house needed work he couldn’t do alone. It had forced him to meet Dean. But he has a feeling that even if he’d been able to move right in he would have eventually met Dean. But then things would have been different. They wouldn’t be spending so much time together and he wouldn’t be living with him and be getting the chance to know him more every day. And Dean wouldn’t have been there to stop Balthazar and who knows how far he would have taken that.

Cas shuddered at that thought. No. He was very glad Roman hadn’t been honest about the house listing. If he had been then he wouldn’t have bought the house and Dean wouldn’t be in his life. Cas tried his best to stifle a yawn as Charlie tried to talk the group into larping with her.

Cas flinched away as a hand fell onto his shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Come on, Cas. Let’s head home.” Cas glanced up at Dean and slowly got up. “We’ll see y’all later. I gotta get him home before we both crash.”

They said their goodbyes then Cas turned to Dean after he helped him put his trench coat on. “What about your new girlfriend?”

Dean gave Cas a puzzled look. “My what?”

Cas motioned to the busty blonde that was glaring at him. “I think she’s trying to make my head explode.”

Dean shook his head as he wrapped an arm around Cas and headed for the door. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas discovers he has feelings for Dean and deals with a disturbing nightmare.

Cas read over the email he’d received from Gabriel earlier. Since meeting Dean he had noticed a change in the relationship between Jensen and Misha in his writing. It seems Gabe had, too. As Gabe put it, there was clearly a lot of “eye fucking” going on between them and the unresolved sexual tension was making things juicy. And then, to add insult to injury, Gabe asked when Jensen was just going to bend Misha over something and fuck him like a mad man.

Cas ran his hand over his face. Gabe knew Misha was him. He wasn’t sure if Gabe was aware that Jensen was now based off of anyone or if Gabe just thought he was projecting his desires through fictional characters.

That’s when it hit Cas. That’s exactly what he was doing. It was easier for him to write what he wanted and felt than it was for him to act on those feelings. He skimmed over the last chapter he’d sent to Gabe and realized his feelings for Dean were all right there in black and white. 

Cas felt a warmth spread over him as a smile spread across his face. He had fallen for Dean and not even realized it. That ache he felt at the bar the other night? That was jealousy. Charlie had clearly seen he was jealous when he hadn’t. Even thinking about Dean flirting with that woman at the bar was bringing that feeling back. But Charlie had been right. Dean flirted, but he didn’t go home with her. Dean went home with him. 

Cas looked back over notes his editor and publisher had sent about the last few chapters. Even they had mentioned a relationship forming between Misha and Jensen. How had he been so blind?

He heard Dean finish his shower and his footsteps come down the hall toward his bedroom. Only they didn’t go into the bedroom, they came into the kitchen. Cas didn’t really think anything of it until he glanced up from his computer and was met with an eye full of Dean’s wet skin with a towel around his waist. He bit down on his pencil so hard he was afraid he’d break it.

Cas’ eyes roamed over Dean’s wet muscles. He knew what those back muscles felt like when they moved. He’d felt them almost a week ago when he’d gotten those piggyback rides. 

Dean turned and looked at Cas. His lips formed a smirk as he turned completely and leaned back against the counter. “Like what you see, sweetheart?” Dean asked, then his eyes widened when he realized what he’d done.

Cas licked his lips. “Actually, I do like what I see.” He blushed a little and started to get up. “Can I?”

Dean swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Cas walked over to Dean. He hesitantly ran his fingers over Dean’s tattoo. “You really are a big fan, huh.”

Dean laughed softly. “Yeah.”

Cas chewed on his lip as he ran his hand over Dean’s chest, up to his shoulder, and down his muscled arm. He lifted Dean’s hand and pushed it under his shirt before letting go.

“Are you sure, Cas? I thought you’d want to date before doing anything like this.”

Cas smiled softly as he shrugged slightly. “It kinda feels like we have been.” Cas ran both hands over Dean’s body before running his thumbs over his nipples. “How many meals have we had together? How many movies have we watched? I know I wasn’t ready at the time, but it was obvious that you were.”

Dean pushed Cas’ shirt up as he ran his hand over his chest. “I can deal with that, but I will be taking you out for proper dates.” He said as he leaned in, kissing Cas’ neck. “How far do you want to take this?”

Cas shivered slightly. “Maybe just touching and kissing. I’m not sure I’m ready for more. I mean I am, but I’m not.”

Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’ and nodded slightly. “We won’t go further until you’re 100% ready. I’m not messing this up.” 

Dean’s lips captured Cas’ in a soft kiss. Cas melted, pressing his body against Dean’s as his hands found the back of his shoulders. Cas ran his tongue over the seam of Dean’s lips, plunging it into Dean’s hot mouth once his lips parted. He caressed and coaxed Dean’s tongue into his own mouth, moaning when he was successful. Cas’ nails scraped down Dean’s backs as Dean’s tongue explored every nook and cranny.

Cas pulled back out of breath. “Wow.”

Dean chuckled. “My thoughts exactly.”

Cas looked up into Dean’s green eyes as he caressed his cheek. “It’s never felt like this. It feels like I’ve been working on a puzzle and I’d lost a piece. And that I’d been able to find pieces that could fit in the spot, but they weren’t the right piece. And now I found a new piece and pushed it into place and it’s the one that’s been missing all this time.”

Dean smiled fondly. “I was just gonna go with I found my other half, but I like yours much more.”

————

Cas awoke with a start, sitting straight up in his bed. His heart was pounding and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. It was just a dream. He was safe. Balthazar was in jail. He put his hand on his chest as he tried to slow down his breathing.

He’d been having these nightmares since Balthazar showed up. They weren’t always the same. Sometimes they played out how it happened and Dean saved him. Sometimes Dean never showed up. But this one was new. Dean showed up and Balthazar shot him. Cas felt tears flow down his cheeks and wiped them away.

Before Cas could think about what he was doing he had thrown his covers off, walked down to Dean’s room, and entered it.

“Dean?” Cas whispered and got no response. He chewed on his lip before lifting the covers on Dean’s bed and crawling in beside him.

Dean shifted and opened his eyes. “Cas?” Cas sniffled and buried his face in Dean’s chest. Dean gently rubbed Cas’ back. “What is it, sweetheart?”

Cas wiped at his eyes. “You showed up to save me and he shot you. He raped me while you were dying.” Cas explained through his sobs.

Dean sighed, pulling Cas close and kissing the top of his head. “It’s ok. I stopped him. He didn’t rape you and he didn’t kill me. I’m alive and your safe.”

“But he did.” Cas sobbed.

“He did what?” Dean asked, afraid to know the answer.

“He raped me. I told him I wanted a divorce and he forced himself on me until it was done and I could get away. He said as long as I was his husband I had to take it.”

Dean blinked back tears as he held Cas tighter. “Did you report it?”

Cas sniffled and shook his head.

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “We should talk to Jody tomorrow. Get everything reported.”

Cas looked up at Dean with tear filled eyes. “You’ll stay with me? You won’t leave me alone?”

“Of course I’ll stay with you. Jody won’t make me leave you alone. Not if you need me there.”

Cas nodded a little. “Dean? Can I sleep in here?”

Dean smiled as he gently ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “You can sleep in here anytime you want to.”

Cas snuggled against Dean feeling safe and protected. Something he hadn’t felt in a really long time. “I really like you, Dean.”

Dean smiled as he caressed Cas’ back. “I really like you, too. Now get some rest. I’ll keep you safe.”

Dean held Cas as his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. He couldn’t understand why anyone would want to hurt him. Cas didn’t deserve anything that had happened to him. He was sweet and kind. Dean vowed that he’d never let anyone hurt Cas like that again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean enter uncharted territory.

Cas woke up and panicked when he felt a warm body against his and arms around him. He slowly allowed his eyes to open. Dean. Dean had held him and comforted him in ways that nobody else had ever been able to. He let him sleep in his bed with an open invitation to more nights in his arm. Cas could feel the smile forming on his face as he snuggled a little closer.

Dean’s arms around him just felt...right. Their bodies felt like they fit together perfectly. All these feelings were coming faster than they ever had. Cas knew that should scare him. That it should make him want to take a step back and assess why the bond had formed as fast as it did and why it was as strong as it was, but he really didn’t need to. He already knew. Dean was special.

Dean had never once pushed the issue of dating. He’d never called Cas a pet name, at least not until he thought Cas would be comfortable with it. He never touched Cas in a way that would make him uncomfortable and the few times he had touched him before knowing he was comfortable with it was in an attempt to comfort him. And it had. And when a touch was too much Dean wouldn’t hesitate to pull away. Dean respected Cas and respected his boundaries.

Cas smiled as he remembered how he and Dean had touched each other intimately. Dean never tried to push it past touching and kissing. He never tried to get rid of their pants. He understood, without words, that Cas wasn’t ready for that. Which made Cas wonder, was he ready to go that far with Dean? He could feel that Dean was semi hard against his hip. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was pressed against Dean or if that was just typical for Dean. He’d like to think it was because of him.

“Whatcha thinking so hard about?” Dean asked in his rough, sleepy voice.

“Sex.” Cas blushed when he realized he hadn’t even stopped to filter his response. 

Dean inhaled sharply. “Um, what?”

Cas hid his face in Dean’s chest with a groan. The shift of his body having an instant effect on Dean’s cock. Dean bit back a moan and took a deep breath. “And what exactly are you, umm, thinking about sex?”

Cas shrugged a little. “I was thinking about us and how you make me feel and how we’ve recently started, um, touching each other...in a more than friends way…” Cas shivered when Dean ran his fingers down his spine. “And how you never tried to take it further. I was trying to decide if I was ready for that and if I wanted to take care of the hard cock against my hip.”

“Jesus, Cas. So, um, had you reached a decision?”

Cas nodded against Dean’s chest. “I’m not ready for you to fuck me, but I’d like to suck your cock.”

Dean groaned. “Damn, sweetheart. Never would have guessed you had such a dirty mouth. I like it.”

Cas shifted so he was looking down at Dean and smiled sweetly. “You think that’s dirty? Just wait until I make you hard...just by telling you all the things I want you to do to me or I want to do to you.”

Dean squirmed. “Fuck. You gonna let me blow you?”

“Do you want to?”

“Oh god, yes.”

Cas smirked. “Then why would I say no?” He shifted on the bed and hooked his fingers in Dean’s boxers before slowly pulling them down and off. Cas sat back on his heels and looked Dean over. “Damn. I knew you were physically attractive when I first saw you, but fuck, you’re hot.”

Dean blushed a little under the scrutiny. “So it wasn’t just me then? I could barely take my eyes off you when I showed up at the house. I mean, I get that you didn’t want me when you saw me, but you did think I was good looking?”

Cas leaned down and kissed Dean hard. “I’m demisexual, Dean. I’m not blind. I can appreciate beauty. I just don’t feel romantic desires until the bond is there.” Cas ran his hand over Dean’s chest as his eyes took in Dean’s form. “Ours has been growing for a while. Honestly I think it started forming fairly quickly. It just took me a while to act on it.” His eyes snapped up to meet Dean’s. “I had to make sure you weren’t going to be like… that you weren’t going to change and hurt me…”

Dean cupped Cas’ cheek and kissed him softly. “What made you realize I wasn’t just acting like a nice guy, but really was one?”

Cas smiled softly. “You moved me in here and never once tried anything. I saw the looks you gave me. I saw that you wanted more, but you never tried to push me to be ready. You understood and respected that I needed time to get to this point.”

“And I never will push you.” Dean ran his hand down Cas’ back. “Are you sure you’re ready to do this? I mean I’m all for getting a blow job from you, but if you’re even a little uncomfortable at the idea then I don’t want you to make yourself ready.” Dean saw the uncertainty and a little fear in Cas’ expression. He gently rolled them and kissed Cas’ chest. “That’s what I thought.”

Dean reached into his nightstand and pulled out a tube of lube. Cas’ eyes widened. “Dean… I’m not…”

Dean kissed Cas softly to quiet him. “Not gonna do that. I gotcha.” Dean said as he pulled Cas’ boxers off of him. He put some lube in his hand then wrapped his fingers around Cas’ cock, pumping it a few times. “I could look at you laid out like this all day.”

Cas’ breath hitched and he bit his lower lip as Dean’s hand continued to slowly stroke his cock. Dean let go long enough to slot his own straining member next to Cas’ then his hand wrapped around both of them. He squeezed both of them then started pumping again, creating a steady rhythm.

Cas’ head rolled back with a loud moan at the sensation Dean was causing. His hands found Dean’s shoulders and his nails bit into the back of them. Nobody had ever done something like this for him. Cas pulled Dean’s head down kissing him like his life depended on it. He licked into Dean’s mouth as his hips bucked into Dean’s hand, making the other man moan into his mouth.

Dean’s rhythm faltered for a moment before it sped up. He slowly pulled away from Cas’ lips, nipping at his lower one as he did. Their foreheads pressed together and their lips were so close they were breathing each other’s air. 

Dean moved his hand harder and faster. Cas’ body arched against him as he cried out his release. Dean’s own release followed shortly after and he brought their mouths together in a filthy kiss. Dean pulled away as they both gasped for air.

Cas swallowed hard and brought his hand up to caress Dean’s cheek as he tried to control his tears. “Nobody has ever made me feel like that. Thank you.” He whispered, his voice breaking with emotion.

“I’ll always do whatever I can to make you feel good, Cas. When you’re ready I’ll show you that everything we do will be enjoyable for both of us. And if something isn’t then I expect you to speak up.”

Cas gave Dean a slightly wary look. “So are you trying to say giving a blow job can be enjoyable?”

“Yup.” Dean said before he kissed Cas softly. “I’m guessing he liked to make you choke and block your airway.” Cas’ eyes didn’t meet Dean’s. “It’d be one thing if you were into that, but clearly you’re not. I’ll show you how and help guide you when you’re ready for that step. Until then we can stick to hand jobs.”

“Ok.”

Dean kissed Cas softly then got off the bed and went into the bathroom. When he came back he had a warm washcloth and he gently wiped Cas off before cleaning himself. He tossed the washcloth in with his dirty clothes then got back on the bed and pulled Cas to him. “I could get used to waking up to mornings like this.”

Cas smiled softly. “Me too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas’ house is finally done. Can Dean and Cas deal with not being in the same house?

Dean looked around as the last pieces of Castiel’s furniture were put into the house. This was a day Dean was both looking forward to and dreading at the same time. Cas was finally able to move in. Dean knew this day was coming. He knew living with Cas was just temporary and it wasn’t like they couldn’t still see each other every day. 

Dean smiled at Cas as he walked into the room. “Bet it’ll be nice to sleep in your own bed again and be surrounded by your own stuff.”

“Yeah. It’s just nice to be out of boxes.” Cas glanced around at everything but Dean. “So, you have any new projects lined up now that you’re done with mine?”

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’ve been getting calls while working on this place. Got a bit of a list going. I’ll be putting in long days for a while.”

Cas tried to not react negatively to this news. He knew what Dean’s long days were like. He’d put in long days on the house and when he did he’d come home and crash. He knew this meant he wouldn’t see much of Dean until he could slow down. “Awesome. Not the having to work so hard, but the having a good list. Means you’ve got money coming in.”

“Yup. What about you?”

“Me? My days will be filled with meeting my deadline on this book. The move and construction put me behind.”

“Yeah. I heard your publisher the other night. She didn’t sound too happy.” Dean glanced at the time. “I guess I should head home. I need a shower and I have an early morning tomorrow.”

Cas fidgeted a little. “Yeah. I should do the same. Guess I’ll see you around. Thanks again for getting this done and everything else you’ve helped me with.”

Dean leaned over, kissing Cas softly. “You don’t have to thank me. I was more than happy to fix this place up and I enjoyed having you stay with me.”

“Well, I still appreciate it.”

“I know. I’ll try to come over tomorrow. Maybe we could have dinner together.”

Cas smiled shyly. “I’d like that.”

“Me too. So, uh, I’ll see you around. Night, Cas.” Dean said as he went out the door.

“Good night, Dean.” Cas sighed heavily as he looked around his house. He really wanted to ask Dean to stay, but the past few days had been awkward. That moment in bed with Dean had been amazing, but once the fog had cleared he questioned if he was really ready for another relationship. He’d distanced himself as much as he could since he was living with the man. But now that there was space between them, even for a moment, it hurt.

Cas wiped at his tears as he stood there looking at the front door, willing Dean to just come back in and kiss him against the wall, but he didn’t. He sighed as he moved over to his couch and sat with his head in his hands. The emotions of everything that had happened in the past few months hitting him all at once. Tears flowed freely as sobs wracked his body. 

He wanted Dean.

————

Two weeks. It had been two whole weeks since Cas had watched Dean walk out his door. He’d heard Dean’s car and truck come and go. Every time he heard one of them he’d watch out the window to see if Dean would come over, but he hadn't. 

Maybe Dean regretted doing anything with him. Maybe he didn’t really want him and things had only escalated because they were living in the same space. Maybe Dean didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore. 

Cas couldn’t help the anxiety he was feeling and the longer he went without hearing from Dean the worse it got. He couldn’t sleep and not for lack of trying. Every time he dozed off the nightmares haunted him. Tonight was no different, but the nightmare was. 

Tonight’s nightmare didn’t have Balthazar showing up and hurting him. No, it had him showing up at Dean’s and hurting Dean. Cas was shaking and his breaths were uneven. He knew it was just a nightmare, but his brain was telling him to go make sure Dean was ok. His brain was also saying just go over there so he’d feel safer, but that’s beside the point. 

Cas glanced at the time; 2:35 am. Dean would be fast asleep. He shouldn’t go over there and wake him up. What would he say when asked why he was there? ‘I had a nightmare about you and had to make sure you’re safe. Hold me.’ Yeah, and then Dean wouldn’t get enough rest for work today.

Cas put his head in his hands as his leg shook from the anxiety. He had to do something. He had to see Dean. Maybe Dean would let him stay the rest of the night and he’d actually get some sleep. That sounded amazing.

Cas got up and slipped on some shoes and his trench coat then grabbed a flashlight. He walked through the field between the two houses along the path that had been traveled so much the past few months. He got to Dean’s door and hesitated. Should he knock? Should he just use the key he still had? He decided on the key and let himself in.

Cas slowly headed for Dean’s room. He could just make out his sleeping figure in the moonlight coming through the window.

“Dean?”

Cas chewed on his lip as he moved into the room. 

“Dean?”

Cas swallowed hard as he shrugged off his trench coat and slipped off his shoes. He carefully pulled back the covers and slipped into bed next to Dean. Dean shifted and jolted when he felt Cas in bed with him.

“What the fuck?” Dean switched on the lamp and starred at Cas as he rubbed his eyes. “Cas? What the hell, man. You trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I...I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have come over here and woken you.” Cas said as he started to get out of the bed.

Dean grabbed Cas’ shirt and pulled him to him. “You look like shit. When’s the last time you slept?”

Cas relaxed against Dean. “I don’t know...a few days maybe. I think I got maybe 30 minutes tonight.”

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Nightmares?” Cas nodded against his chest. “Why didn’t you come over here sooner? I told you that you’re always welcome in my bed.”

“That was before I moved out… And you’ve been too busy for me. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Dean shifted so he could look at Cas. “You thought I was too busy for you?”

Cas sighed and shrugged. “It’s either that or you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It hurt too much to think you didn’t want me. I mean, I get why you wouldn’t. It’s too much work to be with someone like me.”

“Woah. Hold up. I haven’t been too busy for you and I haven’t stopped wanting you. I come home and shower then pass out. I’ve thought about going to your place, but it’s always dark when I get home so I don’t want to go wake you up.”

Cas glanced into Dean’s eyes. “I’m awake when you get home. I hear you pull in and I watch to see if you’ll come over, but you never do.”

“Why aren’t any lights on when I come home?”

“There are, just not on that side of the house.”

Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “How about you leave the front porch on if you want me to come over. If it’s on I’ll skip coming here.”

Cas chewed on his lip. “What if you just came over every night?”

“Then I’d have to keep clothes at your house. You gonna clear out a drawer for me?” Dean asked teasingly.

“No...but you could bring your dresser over.”

“Cas? Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“...Yes.”

“You’re sure you’re ready for that?”

Cas laughed a little. “Honestly? No. But I enjoyed living here with you and I miss you. I miss this.”

“You aren’t the only one that misses this.” Dean said with a little smile. “What if I moved into my old room? That way you’d still have your space when you need it, but we’d still be able to share a bed at night.”

Cas laid his head against Dean’s chest with a smile. “Ok. When will you have time to move?”

“I can take some stuff over today.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets an unexpected guest.

Dean opened the front door to a shorter man with golden blonde hair. “Can I help you?”

The gentleman glanced at his phone then at the numbers by the door. “This is 427 Mulberry, right?”

“It is.”

The guy peered around Dean and into the house. “I’m looking for Cassie.”

Deja vu hit Dean and he stiffened as he blocked the entry. “And you are?”

The guy looked offended. “Look here, Bucko. I should be asking you who you are and why you’re answering my brother’s door.”

Dean relaxed slightly. “Gabriel?” Gabe nodded and Dean held his hand out. “Dean Winchester.”

Gabe took Dean’s hand, shaking it. “The contractor Cassie hired?”

Dean ran his hand over the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah.” Of course he was just the contractor. Why would Cas have any other reason to tell his brother otherwise? They hadn’t put a label on what they were, but being referred to as just Cas’ contractor and not his friend or roommate or… lover stung. The feeling made Dean want to withdraw and crumple in on himself.

Gabe sized Dean up for a moment. “I thought Cassie said you were done here.”

“I, uh, I am.” Gabe didn’t know Cas was in a relationship, if that even is what Cas would consider it. Dean sure as hell considered what they had to fall in that category, but again, he was reminded that Gabe, Cas’ closest family member, only knew of him as the contractor that had fixed the house. The stabbing pain he felt in his heart made a decision for Dean. “Just had a few minor things to wrap up. Cas ran into town for groceries. He should be back soon. I, um, I was just about to head out when you knocked.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, it was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah. Tell Cas I’ll see him around and if he needs anything else fixed he just has to call.”

“Will do, Dean-o.”

Dean pushed past Gabe as he exited the house. He got in the Impala just in time to watch Gabe close the door behind him. He needed a drink...or ten. Ellen would be more than happy to see him and he knew she wouldn’t push for answers. 

————

Cas fumbled with his bags as he pushed the door open. “Dean? Could you come help me with the groceries?” Cas jumped and almost dropped everything he was carrying when he heard footsteps coming toward him and saw his brother instead of Dean. “...Gabe?”

“Surprise.”

Cas glanced around. “Where’s Dean?”

Gabe took a few bags from Cas with a shrug. “He left when I showed up. He finished what he was fixing. He said he’d see you around and if you needed anything else done to call him.”

Cas put his free hand on the wall to hold himself up. “He left?”

Gabe walked toward the kitchen with the bags. “Yeah. Seemed to be in a bit of a hurry. Were you expecting him to still be here when you got home?”

Cas swallowed hard then followed Gabe with the bags he had. “Yeah. Uh, he promised to make me some of his mouth watering burgers. That’s part of the reason I was at the store.”

“Oh. Guess something else came up.”

“Yeah.” Cas sighed as he put groceries away. His chest felt like someone had reached inside and was squeezing his heart. He knew from the message that Gabe had relayed that Dean wasn’t coming back...that Dean wouldn’t be in his bed tonight. What if Dean didn’t come back while Gabe was visiting? How long was Gabe visiting? When would he see Dean again? The squeezing feeling got tighter and tighter. Cas put his hands on the counter for balance.

“Cassie?”

Cas took a few deep, calming breaths. “I’m ok. I just...I felt dizzy for a moment.” He lied. He slowly looked up at Gabe with a forced smile. “Really. I’m ok. I didn’t get much sleep last night. This deadline has been kicking my ass.” 

Lying to Gabe used to not be this easy. Not before Balthazar anyway. Cas used to tell Gabe everything. They used to not have any secrets. Then Cas ended up with Balthazar and there were things he just couldn’t tell his brother. Now? Now it was too easy to just cover things up with little lies. It was too easy to tell half truths. Cas wasn’t sure whether or not Gabe truly believed them or just played along for Cas’ sake. Either way he was thankful.

Gabe looked Cas over carefully. “I told you to call your publisher and tell her you need more time. You just had to deal with a bad divorce and moving three states away only to find out the house you bought was falling apart and you couldn’t live here. You should have been focusing on yourself and not worrying about making deadlines.”

Cas shrugged a little. “Maybe, but it was a bit of normalcy in all the chaos. Sometimes it’s nice to leave the real world and get lost in my thoughts.”

“You could have still done that without the pressure of deadlines, Castiel.”

Cas sighed. “So? Parmesan chicken for dinner?”

————

Gabe woke to the sound of his brother crying in the other room. He’d only been there for three nights and every night was the same. Tonight was different though. Cas wasn’t just crying. He was full on sobbing. Gabe ran into the master bedroom to find Cas still asleep, but sobbing as he tossed and turned. Gabe grabbed Cas’ shoulders and shook him. “Cas? Cassie?”

Cas’ eyes snapped open and he glanced around the room. “D-Dean?” Cas reached for Dean’s side of the bed and found nothing but cold sheets. Sobs wracked his body once again as he pulled Dean’s pillow against his chest and buried his face into it. “He left me.” Cas sobbed into the pillow.

Gabe watched helplessly. This wasn’t the first time Cas had looked for Dean in the middle of the night, but he always calmed down and fell back asleep. He never brought it up the next day so Gabe didn’t either. Gabe grabbed Cas’ phone from the nightstand and walked out of the room. He easily found Dean’s name and called him, not caring if the other man was asleep. 

“Cas? What is it? You ok?” Dean’s groggy voice came across the line.

“No. He’s not ok, Dean. What did you do to him?”

Dean was awake now and sitting straight up in bed. “Gabriel? What’s going on? What’s wrong with Cas? Why is he crying?”

“I don’t know, Dean. Why don’t you tell me?”

Dean held the phone between his shoulder and cheek as he rushed to put on pants and shoes. “How should I know? I haven’t seen him in three days.”

“Maybe because he says your name when he’s crying you jackass. What did you do to my brother?”

“Nothing! I’m on my way.” Dean hung up before Gabe could argue. He ran down the stairs and across the field.

Gabe heard the front door open and slam closed then heard the heavy footsteps of Dean rushing up the stairs. He glared at Dean once he reached the hallway. “If you hurt him…”

Dean pushed past Gabe and rushed into the bedroom. He fell on the bed beside Cas and pulled him close. “Shhh. I’m here. It’s ok. I’m here, Cas.”

Cas took a shaky breath. “D-Dean?”

“Yeah. It’s me. I gotcha.”

Cas pressed himself closer to Dean, resting his head on his chest. “You left me.” He whimpered.

Dean held Cas close as he rested his chin on top of his head. “I was just next door. I didn’t want to get in the way while your brother was here.”

Cas shook his head as fresh tears streamed down his face. “You were with her. You left me for her.”

“Her? What are you talking about?”

Cas sniffled. “The woman in the picture on your shelf.”

Dean sighed and held Cas tighter. “Lisa?” Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “She’s in the past, Cas. We’re just friends now. She lives three hours away with her fiancé.”

Cas pulled away a little and looked at Dean through tears. “Then why did you leave? Why did you go home? I thought this was home.”

Dean gently wiped the tears from Cas’ face. “Honestly? Gabe showed up...he called me your contractor. He didn’t even know me as your friend. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to correct him, but it wasn’t my place to do so...and even if it was I didn’t know what to tell him we are. Friends? Roommates?”

Cas sniffled and placed his head back under Dean’s chin. “What about boyfriends?” He asked softly.

Dean pressed his lips to the top of Cas’ head and inhaled deeply. “I wasn’t going to assume you were ready for that, but yeah, I’ve thought about you as my boyfriend for a while now.”

Cas relaxed against Dean with a content sigh. “Move all your stuff in?” He mumbled against Dean’s chest.

Dean gently scratched at Cas’ scalp, smiling when he yawned and felt him drifting off. “Yeah. We’ll finish moving all my stuff in.” Dean glanced up at the doorway where Gabe had been watching the whole time.

“So...you’re not just the contractor.”

“Haven’t been for a while.”

Gabe nodded as he looked at his sleeping brother. “I can tell. I’ve never seen him that comfortable with anyone.”

Dean glanced down at Cas’ sleeping form. “This isn’t normal?”

Gabe laughed a little. “Uh, no. He doesn’t even get that comfortable with me.”

“Oh. He’s been sleeping like this for a few months. I mean I know about him being demisexual and not wanting to be touched and stuff, but I just figured once we formed that bond it just changed.”

Gabe moved to sit in the chair in the room. “Not really. We’ve always had a great bond and half the time he doesn’t want me touching him. I mean, I’ve held him like that, but even in his sleep he’d move away because it’d be too much. Doesn’t look like he’s planning on moving anywhere with you holding him.”

Dean smiled softly. “He never does. Once he’s out I’m pinned until he wakes up.” Dean glanced down at his feet. “Probably should have taken my boots off before he fell asleep.”

Gabe got up and moved toward the bed. He loosened Dean’s boots and pulled them off, putting them near the foot of the bed.

Dean shifted slightly so his feet were on the bed. “Thanks.”

“Going to be comfortable sleeping in those jeans?”

Dean shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

Gabe rolled his eyes as he reached for the waistband.

“Whoa. Uh, be careful where your hands are.”

Gabe rolled his eyes again. “I’m not trying to cop a feel.” He said as he undid Dean’s pants and removed them. He then grabbed the blankets and pulled them over the couple. “Get some rest. And Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for rushing over here...and for being what he needs.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cover your ears, Gabe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters posted in one day? I was gonna wait, but it wouldn’t let me.

Cas snuggled against Dean’s warm body as he slowly woke up. It took a moment for his mind to register that Dean had not been in the bed when he’d gone to sleep last night. He blinked his eyes open and shifted to look at Dean and found that the beautiful emerald eyes he’d come to love were looking at him.

“Morning, Angel.” Dean said with that cute little smirk he reserved only for Cas.

“You weren’t here when I went to bed.”

“Nope.”

Cas searched Dean for a moment then looked away. “The nightmare… You left me.”

Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek then shifted his face toward his own. “I didn’t leave you, Cas. I was just next door. I came as soon as I knew you needed me.”

Cas slowly lifted his eyes to look at Dean. “How did you know?”

“Gabe.” Dean answered with a soft smile. 

“Oh.”

Dean pulled Cas down for a soft kiss. “I didn’t leave you the other day. I’m not gonna leave you today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. I love you, Cas. I’ll do whatever I have to do to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

Cas looked at Dean with wide eyes. “You...love me?”

Dean’s eyes widened. “I, uh, I, um, I… Yeah.” Dean finally said with a sigh. “Sorry. I know you’re probably not ready for something like that. It just slipped out.”

“I love you, too.” Cas said with a bright smile.

Dean smiled so wide that his cheeks hurt. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Cas answered as he laid his head against Dean’s chest. “If you love me then why did you leave when Gabe showed up? Why didn’t you just stay?”

Dean laughed a little, making Cas frown. “You don’t remember us talking last night do you?” Cas shook his head as he snuggled closer. “When I told Gabe who I was he called me your contractor. I kinda freaked. I mean you mean so much to me and I definitely thought of you as more than a friend, but when he said that it hurt. I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same...maybe you just kept me around because I made you feel safe.” Dean sighed softly. “I mean you talk to him all the time and he thought I was only the contractor. That means you never even called me your friend or told him we were living together.”

Cas pulled back and looked down at Dean with sad eyes. “I talked about you all the time. I told him about you fixing things and me trying to help and us joking around. I told him that you are a fan of my work and how you remind me of Jensen. I don’t think I ever referred to you as my contractor… Well, I probably said something about hiring you the first day, but that would have been the only time that was mentioned. But yeah, I never used any labels I guess so maybe he just thought we only spent time working on the house. As for us living together? If I would have told him he would have freaked out and tried to get me to stay with him until the house was done and I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to stay with you. I never meant to make you feel like you didn’t mean anything to me. I guess I assumed that you already knew.”

“I hoped I was reading the signs right, but sometimes I wasn’t sure.”

Cas shifted so he was straddling Dean’s waist. He gently placed a hand on either side of his face as he kissed him softly. “Dean Winchester, you mean the world to me. Nobody has ever been as caring or attentive as you have. Nobody has ever made me feel as safe and loved as you do.” 

Dean smiled as Cas ran a hand over his chest then traced the tattoo with his fingers. Cas’ blue eyes shifted upwards to catch Dean’s green ones. “Dean? Will you fuck me? Please?”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly as he searched Cas’ face for any sign of hesitance. He gently cupped Cas’ cheek, smiling when the other man nuzzled into the touch then kissed his palm. “I’d rather make love to you.”

“There’s a difference?” Cas asked before kissing Dean’s palm again.

“Yeah, sweetheart. There’s a difference.”

Cas kissed Dean’s palm again. “Then I want you to make love to me.”

Dean shifted his hand so it gently grabbed the nape of Cas’ neck as he pulled him down into a heated kiss. Dean’s tongue ran the length of Cas’ lips, breaching his mouth as it opened willingly. He explored the familiar nooks and crannies as he rolled them over. Dean slowly pulled back, tugging on Cas’ lower lip as he did.

“Please tell me you have lube.”

Cas nodded and reached for the nightstand drawer, fumbling to open it. Dean helped pull the drawer open and grabbed the lube, dropping it on the bed beside them. “Condoms?”

Cas pulled Dean down, kissing him as he licked into his mouth. “Don’t need them.”

Dean nipped at Cas’ jaw then moved down to his neck and sucked a dark bruise as his hand ran down his body to his boxers and started pushing them down. “Ok.” He said as he shifted, removing Cas’ boxers and then his own. Dean spread Cas’ legs, settling between them. He leaned over kissing a trail on his chest to one of his nipples where he stopped to flick his tongue over the nub then suck on it.

Cas arched his back as his fingers tangled in Dean’s short spiky hair, moaning loudly as Dean’s teeth tugged on his nipple then his lips kissed a trail down his body. Cas’ body was hypersensitive to Dean’s touches, but in a good way. He watched as Dean kissed then nipped at his hip bone before kissing to his inner thigh. Cas’ body trembled in anticipation and need as Dean pushed his knees to his chest then took Cas’ hands and hooked them behind them so he’d hold his legs in place.

Dean kissed Cas hungrily, making Cas whimper when he pulled back. He kissed a trail down the back of one of Cas’ legs then gently sank his teeth into the soft flesh of Cas’ ass, making him squeak in surprise. Dean chuckled softly as he spread Cas’ cheeks exposing his puckered hole. He glanced up and caught Cas’ azure eyes and held his gaze as he leaned down and slowly ran his tongue over his opening. 

Cas gasped and dug his fingers into the backs of his legs as his head fell back against the pillow. Dean’s tongue swiped across his hole again making him groan and arch his back. He felt the tip of Dean’s tongue apply pressure and dip into him a fraction before retreating and swiping another hot line then teeth sank into his thigh and he lifted his head to find Dean’s eyes on him.

“You need to relax, Angel.” Dean said as he ran a hand over the back of Cas’ leg. “I’m not gonna do anything to hurt you. I promise.”

Cas nodded as he kept his eyes locked on Dean’s. “I know.”

Dean smiled softly as he lowered his head then licked a stripe up Cas’ already hard cock. Cas gasped as his hips bucked toward the touch. Dean’s eyes locked onto Cas’ as he took his length into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks when his lips wrapped firmly around it. Cas’ head fell back on the pillows as a moan escaped his lips. 

Dean pulled back until only the head was still in his mouth then he swirled his tongue around it and dipped it into the slit, making Cas moan again. Dean bobbed his head slowly so he could continue to use his tongue to make Cas moan a groan. He stealthily opened the lube and applied some to his fingers as his mouth kept Cas occupied. He brought one finger to Cas’ hole and easily slid it in past the second knuckle.

“Dean!” Cas gasped as Dean’s finger moved in and out of him. Cas moaned loudly when he felt a second finger joining the first. His body trembled and a fine sheen of sweat covered it. Dean’s fingers thrust into him making his body want even more. He gasped and threw his head back when Dean curved his fingers just right to make him see stars. “M-more!”

Dean added a third finger, stretching Cas until he felt he could enter him without causing pain. He slowly withdrew his fingers and chuckled softly at Cas’ whimper of disapproval. He picked up the lube, applying some to his cock and stroking it to distribute it evenly. Dean shifted so his body covered Cas’ and waited until his beautiful blues opened to look at him. “I love you.” Dean said as he slowly pushed the head of his cock into Cas.

“I l-love you, too.” Cas moaned as he dug his nails into the back of his knees. Dean pushed further into Cas as he gently pried Cas’ hands off his legs and guided them down so they could wrap around him. Cas’ hands found Dean’s toned back, settling on the back of his shoulders.

Dean leaned down, capturing Cas’ lips in a slow, languid kiss as he started thrusting into him. Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth, his fingers digging into Dean’s back. Dean pulled his lips from Cas’, but held his face so close that they were sharing the same air. His thrusts quickened as Cas’ moaning intensified. Dean shifted to rest his forehead on Cas’ shoulder, one of Cas’ hands moving so his fingers could dig into the short hairs at the back of his neck.

Dean snaked a hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Cas’ aching cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Cas’ fingers dug deeper into his back and neck as his body arched into the touch. Dean felt Cas’ legs tighten around him. He thrust harder into his lover, focusing on his prostate. Cas’ body tightened further then he cried out Dean’s name as he shot stripes of cum across their chests. Dean’s own release filled Cas after a few more thrusts, Cas’ name falling from his lips.

Cas’ body relaxed and his legs fell to the bed and felt like jello. His grip on Dean’s back and neck loosened to where the hands just held him. His arms felt like lead, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go. Dean kissed his neck then moved to plant a chaste kiss against his lips. Cas looked up into Dean’s jade eyes. “Wow.”

Dean chuckled softly and planted another gentle kiss on Cas’ lips. “Yeah.” He replied before rolling them so Cas was draped over him. He gently ran his fingers over his lover’s back as he kissed the top of his head. 

Cas snuggled deeper into Dean. “Thank you….for showing me there is a difference.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Cas. That’s how you deserve to be loved. If nobody else took the time to do that for you then they missed out on what being with you is all about.” Dean lifted Cas’ chin, kissing him softly. “It’s not about taking. It’s about giving and receiving.”

Cas kissed Dean softly with a smile on his lips before tucking his head back under Dean’s chin. Dean reached for the blankets and pulled them over them. He’d worry about the mess they made later. Right now he just wanted to savor the feeling of Cas’ skin against his own.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little talking in bed. Gabe and Dean bond a little.

Cas woke up to the feeling of Dean laying behind him, his lips pressing gentle kisses on the back of his neck and spine as his fingers traced the feathers of his tattooed wings. He sighed happily as a small smiled formed on his face.

“Morning again, Angel.”

Cas laughed softly. “Good morning again, Dean.”

Dean’s fingers continued to trace over the black feathers. “I’ve caught glimpses of these a couple times, but I never really got to look at them.”

Cas glanced over his shoulder at Dean. “Do you like them?”

“They’re beautiful, Cas. Did you have them before you wrote Misha in or did they inspire him being an angel?”

“I had them first. I’d thought about writing myself in as some monster that’d only be in the story for a moment. You know, one that wouldn’t be killed right away, but would eventually find itself at the other end of Jensen or Jared’s weapon. Gabe told me I deserved a better character than that.”

“He was right.”

Cas hummed and shifted so he was on his stomach looking at Dean, giving the other man better access to the tattoos. “He was. The series almost ended with Jensen in hell.” Dean gave Cas a surprised look as his hand stilled. “Not because I wanted it to but because of my marital problems with Balthazar. Jensen going to hell was kind of symbolic of how I felt at the time. I was in my own hell with no way out.”

Dean kissed Cas’ shoulder. “That’s why it took so long for the next book to come out?” Cas nodded. “What made you start writing again?”

Cas smiled fondly. “Meg, my editor, kind of forced a lawyer on me and told me to ditch the dead beat. I divorced Balthazar and stayed with Gabe for a while and started writing again. I wasn’t sure how I’d bring Jensen back and Gabe said it was time to write myself in. It took a while to work it out. I wasn’t sure what kind of being would be able to bring Jensen back. I thought about him escaping or someone he knew being a demon that would sneak him out. Then it hit me. If there were demons there would be angels.”

“And you’d be that angel.”

Cas laughed softly. “Well, putting Jensen in hell was symbolic of me being in hell so I had to be the one to pull myself out.”

Dean shifted closer to Cas, resting his chin on his shoulder and looking into his eyes. “I’m glad you had the strength to pull yourself out and find your way here. I wish you’d never had to go through all of that. I promise I’ll never put you through anything he did.”

Cas smiled and shifted so he could kiss Dean softly. “If I hadn’t gone through what I did then I wouldn’t be here, with you.”

————

Gabe groaned for the tenth time in the past five minutes. “Why am I over here helping you pack and not Cassie?”

Dean rolled his eyes as he taped a box shut. “He’s on a conference call with his publisher. He needed both of us out of the house.”

Gabe sat in a chair with a pout. Dean sighed and rolled his eyes again. “Fine. Don’t help. Just stay out of the way and don’t go bother your brother.”

“He’d deserve it if I did. I haven’t gotten good sleep in three days and then I woke up to the two of you having sex in the next room. I’ve never heard him get so vocal before.”

“Do you listen to your brother having sex often?”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Ewww. No. It’s just when I visited him when he was married sometimes they went at it. Never really heard Cassie much, but with you? Holy hell.” Dean blushed and looked away. “I’m all for Cassie getting laid and enjoying it, but couldn’t you wait until I was gone or at the store or something?”

Dean ran his hand over his face as he sighed and sat on the arm of the couch. “No.”

“No? Rude.”

“Look, Cas thought I left him. Like really left him. He dreamed I’d left and gone back to my ex. After that how do you think he would have taken it if the first time he tells me he’s ready I told him we had to wait?”

Gabe’s eyes widened. “Ooooohhhhhh.”

“Yeah.”

Gabe ran his fingers through his hair. “I thought with how comfortable he was with you that you’d already…”

“Nope. At least not all the way. I mean we fooled around some.”

“How long have you been together?”

Dean laughed a little. “That probably depends on who you ask. We kissed about two months ago, fooled around a week or two later, about a week later he moved here and we didn’t see each other for two weeks then he asked me to move in. That was about two weeks ago.” Dean though for a moment. “I think he lived with me about a month before we kissed. He moved in as just friends, but he knew I liked him. I think I asked him out like three or four days after we met.”

Gabe sat there doing the math in his head and using his fingers. “So he moved here roughly four months ago, has lived with you for three months, and has been with you for two?”

“Sounds about right.”

“You must have done a lot to help him out.”

Dean shrugged. “The only other thing I did other than fixing this place and letting him have my guest room was beat the shit out of Balthazar and get him locked up when he hurt Cas.”

Gabe ground his teeth together. “That asshole was here? He hurt Cassie again?”

Dean sighed. “Only a few bruises and some unwanted touches. I got there before he went further.”

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me he showed up here!”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Not trying to make things worse, but he didn’t tell you that he almost ran out of money and moved in with me. He was afraid you’d make him pack up and stay with you and he really wanted to stay here.”

“He told you that?” Gabe asked softly.

“Yeah. I don’t know when he decided he wanted to be here with me. I doubt it was when I first told him he could stay with me. I think he was afraid I’d try something if we were living together, but he really didn’t have another option...that he knew of.”

Gabe arched his eyebrow. “That he knew of?”

“If he wasn’t comfortable in my guest room then I was gonna cover him staying in Jo’s motel longer.”

“Why? You barely knew him.”

Dean shrugged. “We hit it off right away. I know he didn’t feel it, but I did.” Dean laughed softly. “Dude was ribbing on me because a damn cat scared me in the attic. Like, I dunno.” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “I just knew he was someone I wanted to know...even if all we were was friends. My friends are my family cause family don’t end with blood. And I take care of my family.”

“You know what I said last night? About being what he needs?”

“Yeah.”

“I wasn’t wrong. You’re exactly what he needs. Now let’s get your shit packed so you’re stuck with each other!”

Dean rolled his eyes and continued to pack things up. 

After a few hours Cas walked into the house looking around at the progress. He walked up behind Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder. “You’ve gotten a lot done. Hopefully Gabe’s been helpful.”

Dean smiled and glanced at Cas over his shoulder. “He has. How was your meeting? Hannah happy with your progress?”

Cas rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder with a slight nod. “She is. She asked me who my Jensen is so I told her about you.” Dean laughed softly. “It seems everyone knows you came into my life.”

Dean turned in Cas’ arms and kissed him softly. “Good because you are very taken and I don’t plan to ever let you go.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a while guys 😑 I have stuff prewritten, but sometimes I feel like it needs more to it. This was one of those chapters lol

Cas glanced over at Dean’s phone when it rang. He could hear that Dean was still in the shower so he picked it up and answered it. “Dean Winchester’s phone.”

“Who is this? I don’t recognize your voice.” Said the woman on the other line.

“Castiel Novak, ma’am.”

“Oh. Are you a friend of Dean’s?”

“No, ma’am. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh! In that case you should just call me Mom.” 

Cas’ eyes widened. “Uh, excuse me?”

Mary laughed softly. “This is Mary, Dean’s Mom. I’ve obviously missed a lot since he and I last spoke.”

Cas’ heart beat a little faster. He’d just told Dean’s mom that they were dating. What if Dean didn’t want her to know? “I’m sorry Mrs. Winchester. I…”

“Mom.”

Cas sighed. “I’m sorry, Mom. I…”

Dean walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and another drying his hair. “Is that your mom? Tell her I say hi.”

Cas squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mrs. Winchester, your son says hello.”

Dean’s hands stopped drying his hair. “...My Mom?”

Cas nodded. Dean dropped the towel then crossed the room to where Cas was sitting. He reached for the phone and frowned when Cas flinched away, holding the phone out to him.

“Hey, Mom. I didn’t know you and Dad were back from your trip.” Dean said as he watched Cas fold in on himself.

“We just got home yesterday, sweetheart. So you’ve got a boyfriend now?”

“He told you?” Cas was now making himself as small as possible.

“Yes. He’s got such wonderful manners. I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Mom. Hold on a sec.” Dean said as he put the phone down on the side table. “Cas?”

Cas trembled when he heard his name. Dean gently put his hand on Cas’ shoulder, making Cas flinch away from him with a scared whine. Dean dropped to his knees in front of Cas and pulled him into a hug.

Cas tensed, but continued trembling. “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to tell your mom. I didn’t know who she was.” He sobbed as Dean held him.

Dean rubbed Cas’ back as he held him close. “Hey. It’s ok. I would have told her if you hadn’t. Only reason she didn’t know yet is she and my dad have been on a vacation. Did you think I didn’t want them to know about you?”

Cas nodded against Dean’s chest. “Balthazar didn’t want people knowing about us. When his mom came over and found out I lived there he hit me.”

Dean pulled back a little, lifting Cas’ chin. “Is that what you thought I’d do?”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes and saw hurt and worry in them. “I… I don’t know. I think it was more of a reflex than anything. You’ve never done anything to make me believe that you’d hurt me like that.”

Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek. “I never will, Cas. At some point we’ll have different opinions and we’ll argue, but I’ll never raise a hand to you. I want you to know that. If I ever hurt you then I don’t deserve you.”

Cas nodded and leaned into Dean’s touch. “Ok.”

Dean smiled and picked the phone back up. “Ok, Mom. I’m back.”

“Is he ok?”

“Yeah. He’ll be fine.” Dean said before kissing Cas’ forehead. “I’m gonna call you on FaceTime so you can see us.” Dean said before doing exactly that.

Cas gently shoved at Dean’s bare chest. “You’re still in just a towel.”

Dean shrugged then smiled when Mary came on the screen. He angled the phone so she could see Cas. “Mom, meet Cas. Cas, meet my mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mom. Please excuse my hair. It’s a bit messy today.”

Dean snickered. “It always looks like that, Angel.”

Cas rolled his eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you too, sweetheart.” Dean sat beside Cas so she could see them both. “He’s quite handsome, Dean.”

Cas blushed and hid his face against Dean’s arm. Dean laughed then kissed the top of his head. “I know. He’s way out of my league. You know those books I love?”

“Of course. Are you a fan, too, Castiel?”

“I suppose you could say I’m the biggest fan of them all.” Cas said softly.

“I’m not so sure about that. Dean’s worn through so many copies he’s had to replace his originals.”

Cas looked at Dean, who was now blushing. “You didn’t tell me you were that big of a fan of my books.”

Dean shrugged a little. “It never really came up.”

“Your books?”

Dean looked back at the phone. “Yeah. Cas is the author.”

Mary’s eyes widened. “Oh. Is that how you met? I hope you didn’t stalk him.”

Cas smiled. “No, ma’am. He was my contractor on my home.”

“Yeah. Mom, look at this.” Dean said before changing camera views and showing Mary the master and down the hall to the two other bedrooms.

“Is that our old house next to Bobby’s?”

Dean switched views again. “It is. It took about three months to get it livable. Actually, the downstairs was livable before then, but Cas was already living with me so there was no reason to make him live in chaos.”

“And how long have you been living together?”

“Dean was nice enough to let me move in three months ago. I’d already been in a motel for a month and money was getting tight. He offered his guest room to me.”

“And what about dating?”

Cas glanced at Dean. “We just recently gave our relationship a title. But, maybe two months? When we first kissed? Dean would probably say before that. If I thought about it enough I’d probably consider something before that to be the beginning, but at the time I wasn’t able to notice it.”

Dean held Cas’ hand in his, bringing it up and kissing the back of it. “You’re right. I would say earlier than that, but that’s when you were able to feel the connection so we’ll go with our first kiss.”

“You weren’t on the same page in the beginning?”

Dean laughed as Cas chuckled. “No, ma’am. I’m not able to have romantic feelings for someone without creating an emotional bond with them first. Dean was interested in me the first week he met me.”

“The first day, actually. Sam will tell you I called and sounded like a girl. I said something about you having eyes and lips and hair or something like that.”

Cas laughed hard as he pressed his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. Mary laughed, but not nearly as hard as him.

Dean gently shoved at Cas. “Shut up.”

Cas wiped the tears from his face. “I didn’t realize I had that much of an effect on you on day one.” Cas thought for a moment. “The first morning in your apartment.”

“Huh? What about it?”

“I think that’s when I first became interested in you. Not romantically, but I was interested.”

“How do you figure?”

“Misha and Jensen’s dynamic changed right around that time. When I read what I wrote in the hotel Jensen showed interest, but Misha was still very indifferent. After I moved in with you he began watching Jensen more and coming every time he called.” Cas blushed. “I uh, I realized my feeling were being expressed through my writing right before our first kiss.”

“That day makes so much more sense now. I was confused because one second everything was normal then I finish my shower and things changed.”

Cas blushed even harder. “If you hadn’t walked out in just a towel I may not have reacted as drastically.”

“Boys? Don’t forget I’m on the phone.”

Dean joined Cas in blushing. “Nothing happened, Mom. Just a little making out.”

“You two are just too adorable.”

“Mom…”

The conversation with Mary was overall pleasant after the initial hiccup. She promised the boys that they’d visit soon, but not before getting some downtime from the vacation she and John had just come back from. 

Dean glanced over at Cas after he hung up the phone. “What?”

Cas’ eyes roamed over Dean’s exposed skin. “Do you know how hard it was to talk to your mother with you sitting there like that?”

Dean looked down at himself. “At least I’m not naked.”

Cas tugged at the towel wrapped around Dean. “You might as well have been.” He took Dean’s cock in his hand, stroking it as he leaned forward, kissing Dean deeply.

Dean groaned into the kiss, his hips bucking into Cas’ hand as his own fingers carded through his messy dark hair. “Oh fuck, Cas.” Dean whispered against his lips when he pulled back for air.

“Dean? Can I...can we…”

Dean grinned. “Cas, you never have to ask me for sex. Trust me. I’ll always be on board.”

“Yeah, but…”

Dean took Cas’ face in his hands. “Yes. Whatever you want to do, yes.”

Cas’ eyebrows shot up into his hairline then he frowned. “You don’t know what I was going to ask. What if you’re agreeing to be a human sacrifice?”

Dean chuckled. “Am I agreeing to be a human sacrifice?”

“Well, no…”

“Then it doesn’t matter. I trust you.” Dean said, placing a gentle kiss on Cas’ lips. “So what are we doing?”

Cas took a deep breath. “I want to make love to you.”

Dean groaned. “I’m so on board with that, Angel.”

Cas grinned, his hand stroking Dean some more. “Really? I’ve, um, never done this before.”

Dean leaned forward, kissing Cas softly. “Neither have I.”

Cas’ eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Really? You’ve never been a bottom?” Dean shook his head. “Why not?”

“Never been with anyone I trusted enough.” Dean ran his fingers over Cas’ lips. “But I trust you and I want it to be you.”

Cas grinned as he stood up, stripping off his clothes, Dean’s eyes taking in every inch of exposed skin. He put his hand on Dean’s chest, pushing him onto his back. Dean swallowed hard as he scooted toward the head of the bed, Cas crawling after him. Cas situated himself over Dean. He looked deep into Dean’s eyes and smiled.

“We’ll be each other’s firsts.”

Dean smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”

Cas leaned down, kissing Dean, pushing his tongue into Dean’s mouth when his lips parted. His tongue mapped out the familiar territory as he rolled his hips against Dean’s, making them both groan.

“Oh fuck, Cas.”

Cas smirked then moved to Dean’s neck, biting and sucking as he ground his hips even harder against Dean. He reached into the nightstand and removed the lube. “Condom?” Dean shook his head. Cas smiled, kissing Dean softly. “I was hoping you’d say no.”

“I know.”

Cas shifted so he was beside Dean. He drizzled lube onto his fingers. “Ready?” Dean nodded, spreading his legs further then pulling his knees to his chest. Cas ran his fingers over Dean’s opening then gently pushed one in. 

Dean moaned. His breathing increased as Cas’ finger began to move inside him. He gasped when he felt a second digit join the first.

“How long have you wanted this?” Cas asked as he thrust his fingers harder into Dean.

“A long fucking tIIIIMEEE! Oh fuck!” Dean cried out as Cas angled his fingers to hit his spot. 

Cas smirked. “Did you like that, Dean? Did it feel good?”

Dean glared at Cas without any real heat. “You know it did you- SON OFA BITCH!”

Cas laughed as he rubbed Dean’s spot. “It’s not nice to call me names, Dean.”

Dean released one of his legs and grabbed the base of his cock with a whimper. “C-Cas. If you d-don’t stop it’s gonna be o-over soon!”

Cas kissed the back of Dean’s thigh as he removed his fingers. “It would be a tragedy if it was over before it even began.”

Dean let his limbs collapse onto the bed, save for the hand keeping him from orgasming, but eventually that fell to the bed too. “You asshole.”

Cas threw back his head with a laugh. “I love you, too.”

Dean gave Cas his lopsided grin. “Get over here.”

Cas stroked himself a few times, making sure he applied enough lube then moved so he was back on top of Dean. He kissed the corner of Dean’s mouth as he shifted his hips, pressing the tip of his cock against Dean’s hole. Dean took a deep breath as he ran his hands up Cas’ chest to his back. Cas pushed his hips forward, pushing the head of his cock into Dean. He stopped when Dean’s nails dig painfully into his shoulder blades and his eyes squeezed shut.

“Are you ok?”

“Burns a little.” Dean hissed then took a deep breath. 

Cas gave Dean a very worried look. “I… I’m sorry. I must have done something wrong.”

Dean moved one hand to Cas’ cheek as he shook his head. “Hey. None of that. I just gotta adjust. I’m not used to anything more than a couple fingers.”

Cas searched Dean’s eyes for any hint of a lie, but didn’t find anything but the truth. “So you’re ok?”

Dean smiled as he ran his thumb over Cas’ lips. “I’m better than ok, Angel.” He gently brough Cas’ lips to his own, kissing him softly. “I’m ready.”

Cas watched Dean chew on his bottom lip as he slowly pushed into him until he bottomed out. He peppered kisses over Dean’s face. “Why haven’t you done this before?”

Dean raised an eyebrow as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Why haven’t you?”

“Balthazar refused to bottom.”

Dean laughed a little. “Uh, yeah. So did I.”

It was Cas’ turn to raise an eyebrow.

Dean licked his lips. “I, uh, I dunno. It’s kinda stupid.”

“I doubt that.”

Dean licked his lips again, looking up, before closing his eyes. He scratched his nails in the hair on Cas’ nape. “I, uh. I kinda wanted to save this...for the right one… you, know.” He said with a little shrug.

Cas surged forward, kissing Dean within an inch of his life as he rolled his hips, thrusting deep into Dean. Dean’s head fell back as he gasped for air, his nails digging painfully into the back of Cas’ neck.

“Oh, fuck….Cas…”

Cas ran his tongue over Dean’s jawline until he brought it to the pulse point on his neck. He closed his lips over the sensitive spot and sucked as he angled his hips and hit Dean’s spot. Dean’s back arched off the bed as he cried out in pleasure.

Cas slipped a hand between them, stroking Dean’s hard cock. He kept his thrusts angled at Dean’s prostate. Dean’s body trembled under Cas’. Cum shot between their stomachs and spilled over Cas’ fingers, Cas’ name falling from Dean’s lips. Dean’s muscles tightening around Cas threw him over the edge. Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck with a groan as he filled him.

The room was silent except for their heavy breathing and the sound of their own heartbeats in their ears. 

Dean swallowed hard, running his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Wow.”

Cas laughed against Dean’s neck. “Yeah.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Cas 🎂

Dean sat in his chair in the living room reading Cas’ manuscript as Cas sat on the couch watching a documentary on bees, yes, bees. Dean had tried to join him, but started dozing off before the first commercial so he decided he should do some reading. He glanced at his phone when it buzzed. It was a text from Charlie.

_ So, are we throwing a party next week or what? _

Dean furrowed his brow. He couldn’t think of any reason to throw a party.  **_Uh. No. Why? What’s going on that I forgot?_ **

_ Dude! How could you forget your boyfriend’s birthday?!? _

Dean stared at the text, letting the words sink in. Next week was Cas’ birthday and he didn’t know. He glanced at Cas, who was too enamored in the documentary to know anything was going on. 

**_I didn’t forget. I didn’t know. He didn’t say anything to me. How’d you know?_ **

_ Found out when I  _ wasn’t _ stalking him. _

**_Think there’s a reason he didn’t bring it up?_ **

_ No clue, but you could totally get away with a surprise party this year! _

Dean thought about this for a moment. It would be nice to do something for Cas without him having any idea something was coming. 

**_When is his birthday?_ **

_ Next Thursday. _

**_Not sure about a party, but I think I’ve got the perfect gift._ **

_ Why no party? :( _

**_Cause maybe he doesn’t like to celebrate it. I’ll talk to Gabe and get back to you on that._ **

————

Dean drove toward home with Cas beside him. Their day at the museum had been pleasant even though that was more Sam’s thing than Dean’s, but Cas had thoroughly enjoyed himself and that made Dean enjoy it.

“I really found the death by natural causes exhibit fascinating.”

Dean cut his eyes toward Cas. “Uh. Yeah. That one was pretty cool. Who knew there were so many ways to die naturally?”

“I really liked how they showed many old wives tales and urban legends to be false. There were a few I’d thought were true and some that I’d never heard of.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah. Me, too.”

Cas’ eyebrows furrowed as they neared the house. “What’s Bobby doing to the field?” 

Dean glanced at Cas. “He’s not doing anything to it. I am.”

Cas looked at Dean. “Ok. What are you doing to it?”

Dean pulled up in the driveway and turned toward Cas. “I wanted to do something for you for your birthday.”

Cas’ eyes widened. “How did you know?”

“Charlie.”

Cas shook his head. “Of course she found out while she  _ wasn’t _ stalking me.” He looked out the window at the cleared field that had been freshly turned. “So my gift was a day at the museum and a cleared lot?” 

Dean laughed. “A day at the museum, land to start your garden on, and a bee colony.”

Cas’ head whipped back toward Dean. “How did you know I wanted a garden and bees?”

“Gabe. But, uh, you kinda have a ton of books about both so I didn’t really need his help figuring it out.”

Cas leaned over, kissing Dean deeply before looking back out the window. “I don’t know what to say, Dean. Nobody’s paid attention to my birthday in a long time. I just tend to ignore it now.”

Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Is that why you didn’t tell me it was coming up?”

Cas looked back at Dean, turning toward him more. “Yeah. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to do something for me. I mean, you’ve already done so much for me. I didn’t need you spending a lot of money on me.”

Dean acted like he was deep in thought. “So I should cancel the bees?”

“Dean, you cancel the bees and you’ll be sleeping on the couch.”

Dean laughed. “Would you really make me sleep on the couch.”

“I would. I’ve wanted bees since I was five.”

Dean smiled and kissed Cas softly. “You’re getting an established hive. A guy I did some work for will be bringing it and helping you get started. He’ll also be bringing seeds we can toss in the yards to grow wildflowers for them. I told him to bring everything you needed.”

Cas wiped away tears. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean smiled and wiped a tear from Cas’ cheek. “I also got a bunch of seeds for the garden. I wasn’t sure what vegetables you wanted to grown so I just got some of everything...and some fruit trees. I’ll let you figure out where you want them then I’ll help you plant them.”

“Bobby doesn’t care that I’ll be using his land?”

“His land? Psshha. That field is mine. He gave it to me years ago to build on. I don’t think I need to build a house anymore. Do you?”

Cas shook his head. “No. I think you already have one.”

Dean smiled softly. “I should probably warn you that this is only my part of your birthday.”

Cas narrowed his eyes with a slight head tilt. “Your part? Who else has a part?”

“Charlie wants you to have a party. We’ll have a few people over for burgers then go to the Roadhouse for the party. I figured that way we can have something simple with people your more comfortable with and make an appearance at the party then duck out if it gets to be too much.”

“I appreciate that.” 

Both parties went well. Everyone knew what Dean was getting for Cas and got things to go with those gifts. They ranged from a variety of seeds and garden tools, to a canning kit for his future fruits, vegetables, and honey, to bee suits. Cas was touched by all the gifts and the love that his friends, no, his  _ family _ gave to him on his special day.

The next morning Cas was surprised to hear a knock. He stifled his yawn with the back of his hand as he carried his coffee to the front door and opened it. “Hello. Can I help you?”

The gentleman at the door looked Cas over, his lips curling in a smirk when he took in his bee pajama bottoms. “You must be Castiel. Mark Cain.” Mr. Cain said as he held his hand out to Cas.

Cas slowly took it, shaking it. “I am.”

“I’m here to set up your hive. Dean told you I was coming didn’t he? I’m not ruining the surprise, right?”

“No! No. I mean, yes. I mean he told me so no you’re not ruining anything. Let me just… I have to change!” Cas ran up the stairs to a groaning Dean. “Dean! My bees!”

“Dude. Too loud.” Dean grumbled as he pulled a pillow over his head.

“I told you not to drink so much last night.” Cas said as he quickly changed clothes. He leaned over the bed as kissed the back of Dean’s shoulders then ran back down the stairs.

————

Dean woke up to way too much sun filtering into the room. He groaned as he got out of bed and rubbed his eyes. He padded down to the kitchen, pouring himself a mug of coffee and smiled when he looked out the window and saw Mr. Cain and Cas busy working on the hive. He’d never seen Cas so animated and excited as he had yesterday after finding out he’d have his own hive. 

Dean took his mug and Cas’ manuscript out to the back porch, sitting on the porch swing. He watched Cas over the top of his mug, waving when Cas looked in his direction. He couldn’t see Cas’ grin through the netting of his suit, but he knew it was there. His body language said it all. 

Dean sighed happily. He couldn’t help but wonder how this had become his life.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! 😬

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Cas isn’t all that happy with me.
> 
> I decided to try to round this out at 20 chapters. Only need 1.5 more written.

Cas picked up his phone when it rang. “Hey, Sam. What’s going on?”

Sam sighed. “Cas, there was an accident.” 

Cas felt his legs give out and he fell to the floor. “Dean? What happened? Is he ok?”

“He’s in the hospital. I’m not sure what happened. One minute he was on the ladder, the next he was on the ground. They’re doing scans and stuff right now.”

Cas held his face in one hand as he held the phone to his ear. His crying could be heard on the other line.

“Cas? You ok to drive? Bobby and Ellen haven’t left yet. I’ll tell them to bring you with them.”

“Ok.”

“Cas, he’s gonna be ok. He’s a tough son of a bitch. He’s not gonna let some fall keep him down.”

Cas knew that was true, but he also knew Dean could be seriously hurt if he fell from a ladder. He wiped his eyes when he heard a knock at the door. “They’re here. We’ll be there soon.”

————

Cas was even more upset after getting to the hospital and being told Dean wasn’t responsive after the fall. Sam wasn’t sure how high up Dean had been, but it was clear that he’d hit his head. The waiting room was packed with Dean’s friends, all waiting to hear how he was doing. 

“Winchester.” A doctor that walked into the waiting room said. Everyone shifted toward him giving him their attention. “Mr. Winchester suffered from a concussion as well as a broken arm and a lower back injury from the fall. We’ve placed him in a back brace and he’ll have to wear it for at least a month. At that point we’ll look at scheduling physical therapy.”

Cas tried his best to keep the tears from coming, but it was no use. Dean was going to be stuck in a back brace, but at least he was ok.

“When can we see him?” Sam asked and Cas’ head shot up to look at the doctor.

The doctor glanced around at the large group. “Now, but at this time we can only allow two family members at a time.”

Cas’ head dropped into his hand. Family members. He wouldn’t be allowed to see Dean.

“I’m his brother.” Sam said as he moved closer to Cas and put a hand on his shoulder. “And Cas is his husband.”

Cas’ heart stopped and he glanced up at Sam.

The doctor looked at the two men as he motioned toward a set of double doors. “He’s in room 151.”

Sam looked down at Cas. “Come on. Let’s go see him.” 

Cas nodded and followed the taller man to Dean’s room. He wiped at his tears as he slowly made his way over to Dean’s bed. He reached for Dean’s hand, holding it tightly before the sobs wracked his body. 

Dean’s face was bruised, his arm was set in a cast, and his body was in a back brace, but he was alive. Eventually Cas’ tears slowed and his sobbing quieted. He held Dean’s hand, their fingers laced together and the back of his hand against Cas’ cheek.

“Do you think he wants that?” Cas asked, breaking the silence.

Sam glanced at him. “Wants what?”

Cas brushed the fingers of his free hand over Dean’s cheek. “Me...as his husband.”

Sam seemed to consider this for a moment. “I think so. The way he is with you… He wasn’t even like that with Lisa and he was considering marrying her.”

Cas glanced at Sam then looked back at Dean.

“It wasn’t for the right reasons though. They weren’t good together, but he loved Ben.”

“Ben?”

“Yeah. Lisa’s son. He and Dean were pretty close.”

“So he wants that? Married with a house and kid and white picket fence?”

Sam shifted in his chair. “Yeah. I guess. He never really talked about being a dad until Ben. But he also hasn’t talked about it since. I think he just wants someone that loves him as much as he loves them. You know, to be happy.”

“And he’s happy with me?”

“I’ve never seen him happier. Honestly, Cas. I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. Dean was different before he met you. He wasn’t happy. He’d plaster on a smile and act like he was fine, but he wasn’t. He and Lisa splitting up hurt him more than he wanted to admit. I mean, they lived together for two years then one day shit hit the fan and Dean stormed out. He won’t tell anyone what happened, but I think she cheated on him.”

Cas kissed the back of Dean’s hand. “If he asked me I’d say yes.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “You would?”

Cas nodded. “I didn’t move here hoping to find love. I actually moved here hoping I’d be left alone. After Balthazar the last thing I wanted was another relationship, especially another marriage. But then Dean happened.”

Sam chuckled softly. “Dean has a way of having that effect on people.”

Cas glanced at Sam. “He asked me out a few days after meeting me. I told him about me being demi and I thought for sure that would be the end of it. It’s pushed people away before, but not Dean. I really wasn’t sure what to make of that. Balthazar said he didn’t care about me being demi then he got mad that the bond wasn’t forming fast enough and he pushed things sometimes. I was afraid Dean would do the same, especially after having me stay with him, but he never did.” Cas sighed and nuzzled the back of Dean’s hand. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about us getting married. But…” Cas sighed.

“But what? What are you worried about?”

“What if we get married and he stops loving me or does something that destroys our bond and I can’t love him anymore? I can’t go through that again...not with him.”

“So let’s say you two never get married and just keep living together as boyfriends. Couldn’t either scenario still happen and hurt just as much?”

“...Yes.”

“Then why would you deny both of you the chance at being happily married? You make that choice out of fear and you will regret it. Not just potentially regret getting married if you hypothetically fall out of love.”

Sam had a very valid point. “So I just wait for him to ask me?”

Sam shrugged. “Or you ask him.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas waits for Dean to wake up.

Cas glanced at the door expecting it to be Sam coming back from updating the family in the waiting room, but instead it was a woman that looked kinda familiar.

“Castiel? How are you holding up, sweetie?” Mary asked as she walked over to him and hugged him.

Cas tensed slightly. “I’m as good as can be expected.” He glanced toward the hallway. “Where’s your husband? He should be in here with you.”

Mary pulled a chair over next to Cas. “He’s fine out there with Bobby. When Dean wakes up he’s going to be looking for you and you’re going to be right here for him.”

“But I’m not supposed to be in here.”

Mary gave Cas a soft smile. “Not what I heard from Sam.”

“But we aren’t really married.”

Mary shrugged. “Would you rather be stuck in the waiting room?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Good. I want your face to be the first one he sees when he wakes up. I don’t want this to be like when he was with Arthur.”

Cas gave Mary a questioning look. “Arthur?”

Mary sighed. “They’d been dating maybe two months when he fell off a roof. It wasn’t this bad. They put him under to set his leg. When he woke up he asked for Arthur, but he wasn’t there. We’d tried to call him but after the initial call that Dean was hurt he didn’t answer and he never came to check on him. He just ended things. Sam saw him later and his only reason was that Dean wouldn’t be able to go clubbing with him with a bad leg.”

“...Are you serious? He broke up with Dean because he had a broken leg?”

“I never really liked him. But they were young and Dean thought he knew better than any of us.” Mary placed her hand on Cas’ leg. He glanced at it then up at her. “When he wakes up he’s going to panic. For a split second he’ll be afraid that you possibly left. That’s why it’s important that you’re here so he can see that you’ve been here for him the whole time.”

Cas nodded. “I don’t plan on leaving his side.”

Mary smiled softly. “John and I will be staying for a while so I can help you as much as you need me to.”

Cas glanced over at her. “Ok. We’ve got a guest room set up.”

Mary shook her head. “Is there still furniture at the apartment?”

“Yeah. We didn’t need all of Dean’s furniture so we left it there. One of the beds is still over there. Dean insisted that his memory foam go in our room so my old bed is our guest bed.”

“Then that’s where we’ll be staying. I want to be here to help, not be in the way. It’s going to be hard enough dealing with a cranky Dean. We don’t all need to be on top of each other.”

Cas started to say something when he felt the fingers of the hand he was holding twitch. He looked at his and Dean’s clasped hands then at Dean. 

“Cas?”

Cas moved so he was leaning over Dean and kissed him softly. “I’m here, Dean.”

Dean groaned softly and slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times until they focused on the face in front of him. “You’re here.”

Cas kissed Dean again. “Of course I am. Where else would I be?”

Dean shifted and winced. “Cas? How long you been holding my hand, man? It’s all sweaty.”

“Should I let it go?”

“No.” Dean said as he squeezed Cas’ hand. “Where’s Sammy?”

“I’d assume he’s in the waiting room with everyone else. Your mom is here.”

“Mom?

Mary got up and moved to Dean’s other side. “Hey, sweetheart.” She said as she brushed Dean’s hair back. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m pumped full of good stuff.”

Mary smiled warmly. “I’m sure you are right now.”

Dean looked from Mary to Cas. “Mom? Did you know Cas is my angel?”

Cas smiled softly as Mary chuckled. “He is? Does he have wings?”

“Yes, ma’am and they’re beautiful.”

“I bet they are, sweetheart.”

“Show her, Cas.”

Cas laughed softly. “I’d have to let go of your hand to do that. You told me not to do that.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “Would you hold it again?”

“Of course I would, Dean.”

“Show her.”

Cas let go of Dean’s hand. He’d hoped that Dean wouldn’t want him to let go so he could avoid doing this right now, but he could have lost Dean. If showing Mary his wings would make Dean happy then he’d do it. He turned around and lifted the back of his shirt exposing the inky black wings on his back.

“Oh my. I thought the drugs were just making him see things. I didn’t realize he was being serious.”

Dean’s free hand touched Cas’ back, making him shiver. His fingers traced over feathers. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

“They are.”

Cas turned as he dropped his shirt. He grabbed Dean’s raised hand and kissed the palm before sitting back down with their hands clasped. “I’m also an angel in my books. That, along with my tattoo, has earned me the nickname ‘Angel’.”

“Not a nickname. It’s a pet name.”

“I stand corrected.” Cas said with a small smile.

The three of them visited for a while, Mary asking questions to get to know Cas better. After a break in the conversation she smiled at Cas. “Sweetheart, could you grab me a coffee?”

Cas nodded then leaned over Dean, kissing him softly. He pulled back slightly, running his fingers through Dean’s hair. “I’ll be back in a little bit. I love you.”

“I love you too, Angel.”

Cas walked out the door and Dean turned to Mary. “What?”

Mary shook her head. “Your father and I had a nice talk during the drive here.”

Dean’s jaw set. “Let me guess, he’s gonna be a dick to Cas since he’s a guy.”

Mary ran her fingers through Dean’s hair. “He’s going to try, Dean. He doesn’t understand why you’d want to be with a man, especially after you were with Lisa for so long, but I told him about Castiel and how happy he makes you.”

Dean glanced at Mary. “If he tries to ruin this I’ll never forgive him.”

Mary nodded in understanding. “He just wants you to be with someone that can make you happy. Just because he doesn’t understand that being with a man will make you happier than being with a woman doesn’t mean he won’t be able to see it with his own eyes.”

“So you’ll be visiting for a while? It’s gonna take more than a few days for him see that.”

“We’re going to stay in your apartment for a while. I told Castiel I’d be here to help, but I didn’t want us to smother you.”

Dean smiled softly. “Thanks, Mom.”

————

Cas walked out into the waiting room and sat next to Sam. The other man gave him a questioning look.

“What are you doing out here?”

Cas ran his fingers through his hair. “Your Mom asked for coffee. She obviously wants a moment with Dean so I’m giving them some time.”

“He’s awake?”

“Yeah.” Cas looked over at Sam. “Thank you for calling me. I should have thanked you earlier but I was just so scared.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Cas. You’re his boyfriend. Of course I’d call you.”

Cas smiled softly then glanced at the older gentleman that looked at him when Sam said the word ‘boyfriend’. He could only assume the man was John Winchester.

Sam glanced between them. “Dad, this is Castiel Novak, Dean’s boyfriend. Cas, meet our dad, John.”

“It’s nice to meet you, sir. I just wish it were under different circumstances.”

John nodded. “Yeah.”

“You should go in there with your wife. I can stay out here.” Cas said holding back the emotions he felt at the thought of not going back to Dean’s room.

“Nah. He wants you in there. I can see him later. If Mary only asked for a coffee then whatever she had to say will be quick.”

Cas nodded as he got up. “Guess I better go grab it and head back then.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean can’t stand being babied.

A week. It had been a week since Dean came home from the hospital. The first day or two was...ok. Cas tended to his needs and even though Dean hated having Cas wait on him he appreciated that Cas was willing to do so. 

But then that all changed. Dean grew short with Cas. He didn’t like feeling like he couldn’t do things on his own. He didn’t like being babied. He didn’t like how Cas would drop everything he was doing just because Dean got up to piss. Dean had had enough. 

“You know what, Cas? I’m so fucking sick and tired of you hovering over me! I’m a goddamn grown ass adult! I don’t need you wiping my ass for me!”

Cas’ hands balled into fists at his side as his jaw set firmly. “I’m just trying to help you, Dean.”

“I don’t need your help!” Dean yelled as he shoved at Cas’ chest to clear a path to the bathroom.

Cas froze then stumbled back when Dean pushed past him. He took a deep, shaky breath then stormed out of the house, slamming the door. He got in his car, kicking up dirt as he flew down the road. Before he knew it he had parked in front of the Roadhouse and was making his way to the bar.

Ellen saw him before he’d gotten half way across the room. She set a glass of whiskey down. “If I didn’t know better I’d say Dean Winchester put that look on your face.”

Cas picked up the glass, downing it. “He can be so infuriating!” He yelled as Ellen refilled the glass.

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, kid.”

Cas downed the second glass then slumped onto the stool. “I don’t know what to do, Ellen. I think I need a break from him.”

Ellen refilled Cas’ glass again. “I’ll have Jo put you in a room for a night or two.”

“Thanks.”

————

Dean woke up the next day when he felt the bed dip. “Cas?”

Mary leaned over and brushed his hair back. “No, sweetheart, it’s Mom.”

Dean glanced at Cas’ side of the bed. “I fucked up, Mom. I...I…” Dean covered his eyes with his hand as tears threatened to spill out of them. “What if he doesn’t come back?”

“Oh, Dean… He’ll be back. You had a fight. I’m sure he just needs a little time to clear his head.”

Dean’s breaths were broken as he tried to hold back the sobs. “Or he’s halfway to another state so he can start over...without me.”

“He wouldn’t do that, Dean. He loves you.”

Dean choked back a sob. “I love him, too, Mom. God I love him so much. I…” Dean wiped at his eyes, blinking away the tears. “I’ve never loved someone as much as I love him.”

Mary carded her fingers through Dean’s hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that word as easily or frequently as you do with him.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I know. It’s like I’m in some damn chick flick. I can count on one hand how many times I told Lisa I loved her in the two years we were together. Some days I can’t even count on one hand how many times I’ve told Cas that day.” Dean glanced at his mom. “It scares me. What will happen to me if he ever does leave? I won’t be able to handle it.”

Mary sighed softly. “That’s not going to happen, but if it does you’ll still have us. We’d help you through it.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

————

Cas glanced over when someone sat on the stool next to him. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Mr. Winchester.”

John nodded in acknowledgment. “Castiel.”

“I’m not ready to go home yet.”

John took a sip of his beer when Ellen gave it to him. “But you will be going home?”

Cas spun his glass of whiskey, watching it swirl. “Yeah, but not today.”

“And you want Dean there when you get home?”

Cas’ hand stopped and he looked at John. “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I want him there?”

John shrugged as he sipped his beer. “I get the need to go to the bar after a rough day or a fight. I’ve ended up in bars more times than I’d like to admit, but at the end of the day I always went home. You haven’t been home in two days.” He glanced at Cas. “Dean’s hurting and I don’t just mean his injuries. Mary had to convince him that you didn’t cross state lines and go start a new life without him. It took Jo telling him you’re holed up at her inn to finally put his mind at ease.”

Cas pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I just need time. I don’t want to hurt Dean, but I need time.”

John nodded as he started to stand. “I like you, Castiel. Don’t make me change my mind about you.”

Cas took a shaky breath as he listened to John’s footsteps leave the bar. He downed his whiskey and motioned for another. One more night. Maybe tomorrow he’d be ready


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean learns something about Cas. Cas finally comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting down to the last chapters 😊

The next morning Dean looked up to see Charlie bouncing into the room.

“No hugs, Red. Don’t think my body can handle them right now.”

“Oh. I know.” She said as she plopped herself down beside Dean.

“So what brings you over? Your turn to babysit me?”

“Nope. I just came over to hang out...and, um, show you something.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Something?”

Charlie pulled her iPad out of her bag. “Yeah. You know how I like to read fanfics?” Dean nodded. “I ran across one that I think you should read.” She said as she pulled up the page and handed it to Dean.

Dean looked at the iPad and sighed. “A Jensen/Misha fanfic? Really, Charlie? Why would I want to read this?”

“You don’t have to read it all. Just some of it. I’m curious to see what you think.”

Dean sighed and looked back at the screen  _ A Profound Bond _ by beelover74. Dean raised his eyebrow and glanced at Charlie, who motioned for him to keep going, so he did. “...This guy has Cas’ style down.”

“Mmhmmm.”

Dean continued to read, his brows furrowing then raising into his hairline as he looked at Charlie. “This  _ is _ Cas.”

“Either that or someone is spying on your life.” Charlie said as she jokingly glanced around for hidden cameras.

Dean ran a hand over his face. “This is our story. Why didn’t he tell me he was writing our story?”

Charlie shrugged. “That’s not really the one you need to read. You know how that one goes.”

“Then why did you show me it?”

Charlie took the iPad from Dean and messed around on it. “So you’d know it’s him. This is the one you need to read.” She said as she handed it back. She gently placed her hand on his arm. “It’s...it’s not easy to read…”

Dean glanced at her and felt his heart drop. “Balthazar?”

She nodded. “It’s not the only one about them.” She said as she rubbed his arm. “I’ll go make us some lunch while you read that, ok?”

Dean nodded silently and watched her go, then turned back to the iPad. He took a deep breath and started reading.

————

Cas walked into the house that evening and sat beside Dean with a sigh. “He threw me down the stairs one time.” Cas said quietly.

Dean looked up at Cas with his brows furrowed. “Huh?”

Cas picked at a string on his shirt. “Balthazar. He threw me down the stairs. You said I didn’t understand how much it sucks to be injured and have to rely on someone. I do.”

“Cas…”

“We were fighting. He wanted sex and I didn’t want to be touched. He grabbed me and threw me down the stairs. He said I didn’t remember it right...that he shoved me and when he realized I was going to fall down them he tried to grab me. That’s why I had the handprint on my arm. But I know what really happened.”

Dean sighed. “I’m so sorry, Cas.” He said as he placed his hand on Cas’ leg.

Cas shifted away from Dean’s touch. “Please don’t.” Cas looked down at his hands. “You know what’s even more fucked up than him throwing me down the stairs? I formed a fucking bond with him because he took care of me. I believed his fucked up story and he took care of me and I ended up marrying him. How fucked up is that?”

“Pretty fucked up.” Cas glared at Dean. “But I get it. I’ve done shit like that.” Dean sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Lisa and I were horrible together. We fought a lot. I never laid a hand on her, but she’d wail on me. I’d threaten to leave and she’d apologize and be all nice and shit and I’d stay...for Ben. Until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I found her in bed with her fiancé. So I kinda get it. At least the sticking around in an unhealthy relationship. Not even gonna pretend to understand creating a bond or how hard that could be.”

Cas pursed his lips. “It depends on the other person. Balthazar forced a bond to form. I was hurt and needed help and he did everything I needed and acted like he was truly sorry that our fight had resulted in me being injured. With you, it just kind of happened.” Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath before glancing at Dean. “But breaking a bond can sometimes be extremely easy.”

Dean looked at Cas with tears filling his eyes. 

“No. You didn’t break it. I left before that could be a possibility. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t express yourself or your frustrations to me, but I can’t allow you to project them on me. If we’re fighting and I feel like I can’t handle it then I’m going to walk away and you have to let me.”

Dean chewed on his lip as he reached over and took Cas’ hand in his own. “Poughkeepsie.”

Cas looked at their hands then up at Dean. “What?”

Dean gently squeezed Cas’ hand. “It’s something Sam and I say when something’s bad. I guess you’d kinda say it’s like a safe word. If we’re in trouble or having a bad date or something. We sneak Poughkeepsie in somehow. If we’re fighting or I say or do something that’s too much just say it and I’ll know what you mean.”

Cas studied Dean for a moment. “And you’ll stop?”

“Yeah. I don’t care what it is, Cas. We could be in the middle of sex and you can’t take being touched anymore. You say it and I’ll stop.” Dean smiled softly. “Might have to say it more than once if I’m really in the zone though.”

Cas laughed softly. “Thank you, Dean. For understanding.”

Dean gently squeezed Cas’ hand, making the other man look at him. “I read some of your stories.”

Cas furrowed his brow. “I’m well aware of that.”

Dean glanced at Cas. “Not those stories...the ones online…”

Cas’ brows shot up then he looked down. “Oh. How’d you find them?”

Dean glanced at Cas with a ‘really?’ look and Cas shook his head.

“Charlie.”

“You should have known she’d find them.”

Cas shrugged. “I was going to show you them...maybe. I dunno. I mean I wanted you to know, but I was afraid that if you did you’d leave.”

Dean turned Cas’ face toward his own. “You thought I’d leave you because Balthazar is the biggest douche in the world?”

Cas closed his eyes. “Maybe… or maybe you’d be mad because I wanted to kill myself to get away from him.”

Dean clamped his jaw tight as he caressed Cas’ cheek. “That shit was hard to read, but it didn’t make me love you any less. Fuck, Cas, it made me love you more.” Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean. “You’re so fucking strong, Angel. I already knew you were, but I had no idea…”

Dean gently snaked his hand behind Cas’ neck and pulled him closer until the tips of their noses were almost touching. “Is this ok?”

Cas leaned the rest of the way in, pressing his lips against Dean’s as he shifted closer to him. He pushed his tongue into Dean’s mouth when the other man parted his lips. He slowly pulled back, smirking when Dean chased his lips. Cas tugged Dean’s lower lip with his teeth as he palmed his hard cock, making him groan.

“Cas… fuck… I’m not cleared for sex.”

Cas nipped at Dean’s pulse point as he palmed him harder then moved to the floor between his knees. He carefully pulled Dean’s sweatpants down enough to free his hard cock and gave it a few strokes before running his tongue up the vein.

Dean fisted his fingers in Cas’ hair. “Oh fuck, Angel.”

Cas stiffened a little when he felt Dean grab his hair, but Dean didn’t notice. He told himself that Dean isn’t Balthazar and he’d never do anything to hurt him. He opened his mouth and took Dean in. He sucked on the head of his cock then flicked his tongue over the tip before bobbing his head. Dean’s hand kept it’s tight hold, but never pushed or pulled. It just moved with Cas.

Cas hummed around Dean’s cock, smirking slightly when he felt it twitch against his tongue. He placed his hands on Dean’s thighs as he bobbed his head, taking more and more each time. For the first time ever he was allowed to go at his own pace and work up to relaxing his throat. He took Dean all the way until his nose was buried in Dean’s curls. Cas swallowed around him as he looked up at Dean through his lashes and caught Dean looking down at him.

Dean’s pupils were dilated and his lids heavy. He was flushed a beautiful shade of pink and his chest was heaving. Cas brought one hand to his balls and started fondling them as he moaned deep and loud. Dean’s balls tightened in his hand and his cock twitched in his throat. He cried out as he shot spurts of cum and Cas happily swallowed every drop.

Cas slowly pulled back, licking Dean’s cock clean as it twitched from the stimulation.

“You were right. That can be enjoyable.”

Dean laughed softly in his blissed out state. “Tried to tell you, Angel.” Dean gently caressed Cas’ cheek, smiling when Cas leaned into the touch. “I love you so much, Castiel. I’m so sorry I lost my temper. I told you I’d never lay a hand on you and then I did.” Tears rolled down Dean’s cheeks. “I don’t deserve you.”

Cas moved quickly, getting back on the couch next to Dean. He took Dean’s face in his hands, brushing away tears with his thumbs. “Shhhh. It’s ok.” Cas gently kissed under Dean’s eyes then kissed his lips. “You didn’t hurt me, Dean. You shocked me, but you didn’t hurt me. I think I’ve been pushed harder by a two year old.” He said with a tiny smirk.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Shut up. I’m hurt.”

Cas gently caressed Dean’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I know and I know pain played a big part in what happened. I also know that we’ll probably have more fights while you’re hurt.”

Dean looked down. “I don’t want to fight with you again. I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I don’t want that either. I promise that if that happens again I’ll come home instead of going to Jo’s.”

Dean shook his head. “No. If you need time away from me then I don’t want you to force yourself to be around me. I’m not Balthazar. Just promise you’ll call or text each night so I know you’re ok.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean deeply. “I promise.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean spend a little time in the garden and are a little more comfortable using their words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go! Still have to finish it so it’ll be up as soon as I do.

Dean sat on the back porch watching Cas tend to his garden and bees. He had finally been cleared to walk around on his own as long as he had some sort of support and was wearing his brace. Dean really wanted to be out there helping Cas or at least near him so they could visit while Cas worked, but that was too much effort to put Cas through.

They had tried it the other day. They didn’t get far before it became obvious that walking in the yard was something Dean couldn’t handle yet. Cas suggested they borrow the wheelchair Bobby still had from his knee surgery years ago. That turned into a fight, of course. There was no way in hell that Dean would use a wheelchair. Cas ended up getting tense from the arguing and used the safeword, shutting Dean up instantly.

Dean might be 10,000% against using a wheelchair, but he’s 10,000,000% against making Cas disappear again. After Cas helped him to the porch swing and hurried over to the garden, taking his frustrations out on the weeds, Dean realized just how stupid of an argument it had really been. All he had to say was “I don’t want to use the chair.” and that would have been the end of it, but of course he let his anger at not being able to do something as simple as walk to the garden get the best of him. 

Cas hadn’t left though. He’d stayed home and when it was time for bed Dean noticed his reluctance to get in the bed. Dean offered him an out, telling him if he needed space he could sleep in their bed upstairs. The look of relief on Cas’ face spoke volumes to Dean and he knew immediately that he’d said the right thing.

That was two days ago and Cas was still sleeping upstairs.

So for now, he’d just watch Cas work from afar and give him his space or maybe he’d man up and close the gap. He sighed and ran his hand over his face. “Sammy?”

Sam looked up from where he was digging a hole for a tree, you know, the job Dean was supposed to be doing. “Yeah, Dean? You need help with something?”

Dean groaned. “Yeah. Go get the goddamn chair.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. “Bobby’s chair? It’s, uh, in the front closet.”

“Cas?”

Sam nodded. “He wanted to be prepared...just in case you needed it. ….Why do you need it?”

Dean motioned out toward where Cas was working with a look on his face that said ‘Do you really need to fucking ask?’

Sam smirked as he walked past Dean to go into the house. As he opened the door he made a whip motion “Whhhppshhh.”

“Fuck you, bitch.”

Sam laughed as he went inside then came back with the chair. “Jerk.”

Dean flipped Sam off before moving from the swing to the chair. “Mush.”

Sam rolled his eyes and pushed Dean out toward the garden. Cas looked up when he heard someone approaching, his jaw dropping and eyes widening as he took in Dean in the chair.

“Hey, Angel.”

“Dean? What’s going on? Why are you using the chair?”

Dean shrugged one shoulder. “I wanted to be out here with you. I know I can’t really help, but, uh, maybe I can hold stuff and hand them to you?”

Cas smiled as he got up and pulled his gloves from his hands. He took Dean’s face in them and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’d love to have your help. You can hold onto the seed packets for me.”

“Awesome.”

Cas picked up the box, putting it on Dean’s lap then put his gloves back on and got back to work. “The hive is doing very well. I could probably harvest a little honey today so we could have it in the morning if you’d like.”

“With biscuits?”

Cas smiled softly as he worked. “Of course.”

Dean smiled then fiddled with the seed packets. “I’m sorry I got hurt. I planned on being out here helping you. I didn’t mean for this to be something you had to do on your own.”

“You are helping me, Dean. You’ll give me the seeds I need when I’m ready for them and you got Sam to come help with the trees.”

“Yeah, but I’m not down there getting my hands dirty with you.”

Cas rolled his eyes and grabbed Dean’s hands with his dirty gloves. “There. Now you’ve gotten your hands dirty.”

“Dick.”

Cas smirked. “I love you, too.”

Dean and Cas talked as if there had never even been a fight. Dean had to admit that he couldn’t believe it was so easy for them to get past the hiccups. He’d been so afraid that his temper would have set them back, but it didn’t. How they handled things after the smoke had cleared only made them closer. He knew a good portion of that was due to him actually admitting he was wrong and apologizing for it...or using the damn chair. At least it was comfortable.

Dean was brought out of his thoughts when Cas stood up and removed his gloves. “Would you like to help harvest some honey?”

“I don’t know anything about bees except they sting you and make honey, but I can watch.”

Cas let out a frustrated sigh and rolled his eyes. “I have books you can read.”

“Or you can just teach me.”

Cas’ lips quirked up in a small smile. “Is that an attempt to spend more time with me or to keep from having to read?”

“A little of both?”

Cas laughed softly then kissed Dean. “I’ll go get the equipment and be right back.”

“Ok.” Dean watched Cas go into the house then looked down at his dirty hands and shook his head before rubbing them together to remove the dirt. He jumped when a mesh hat was placed on his head. “Not gonna suit me up?” He asked as he looked at Cas, who was also only wearing a hat.

“No. I’m using smoke to calm them. We should be fine.” He handed all the equipment to Dean then rolled him closer to the hive.

Dean watched as Cas started smoking the hive. Cas went through the motions of extracting honey as if he’d had a hive all his life. He loved how Cas talked to the bees as if they were his friends, thanking them for making delicious honey for them. It made Dean’s heart swell and again he wondered how anyone in their right mind could ever hurt and take advantage of this beautiful man.

Cas came back over to Dean with their honey and noticed the way Dean was looking at him. “What?”

“You’re so god damn beautiful.”

Cas blushed and handed everything to Dean then started pushing him home. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Dean smirked and opened the jar, sticking his finger into it then sucked the honey off. “Mmmmm. This is way better than the store stuff.”

Cas shook his head as he wheeled Dean inside. He took everything from Dean’s lap and set it all on the table then did the same with their hats. He helped Dean to stand, kissing his temple once he was on his feet. “I need a shower...care to join me?”

Dean swallowed hard. “You sure?” Cas nodded and kissed Dean’s pulse point. Dean swallowed hard again. “Yeah. Ok.”

Dean leaned into Cas’ side and allowed him to help him to the bathroom. Cas shut the door behind them, stripping off his own clothes before moving to help Dean undress. Dean couldn’t help but let his eyes roam over every inch of Cas’ bare skin. They’d been showering like this since Dean’s injury, but the way Cas invited Dean into this shower had his dick very interested.

Cas carefully helped Dean out of his brace and supported him as they moved into the shower. He positioned Dean so he had his back against the wall then turned the water on, letting it spray over both of them. Cas turned back toward Dean, running his fingers over his cock.

“I want to try something. If you let me do all the work it shouldn’t hurt you.”

Dean swallowed hard. “Ok.”

Cas picked up a bottle of lube and generously coated his own fingers. His eyes flicked up to Dean’s face, smirking when he noticed the hungry look Dean was giving his fingers. “No moving or I’ll stop. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.” Dean managed to croak out.

Cas turned so his back was to Dean. He placed one hand on the shower wall as he arched his back and brought the other to his waiting hole. He glanced over his shoulder at Dean as he pushed a finger into himself and started moving it.

“Fuck.” Dean breathed out as his eyes dilated.

Cas smirked as he pushed a second finger in, moaning at the slight burn of the stretch. He worked his way up to three fingers, slowly opening himself as he watched Dean. Dean hadn’t moved other than slight shifts or a hand reaching for Cas, or the one stroking his cock.

Cas bit his lip as he watched Dean’s hand glide over his hard member. His fingers thrust at just the right angle, making him cry out Dean’s name. Dean’s eyes shot from Cas’ fingers opening him up to his face and his eyes darkened even more.

“Cas…”

Cas nodded slightly then removed his fingers. He moved over to Dean, stroking him to distribute the lube. He turned back around, pushing his ass against Dean’s crotch. “Help line it up?”

Dean held himself as Cas backed up onto him, moaning when Dean easily slipped inside. Dean shifted his hands to Cas’ hips. “Fuck, Angel.”

Cas stood with his back arched so his ass and shoulders made contact with Dean, but his back didn’t. He leaned his head back on Dean’s shoulder, nosing at his pulse point as he rocked his hips.

Dean’s hands moved up Cas’ sides then ran over his stomach and chest. He dipped his head, nosing at Cas until he lifted his head enough that their lips could meet. Cas’ hand wrapped around Dean’s head, his fingers gripping tightly in his short hair.

One of Dean’s hands slid down Cas’ stomach until it reached its destination and its fingers wrapped around his hard cock allowing Cas to easily slide as he fucked himself on Dean’s cock.

Cas moaned into the kiss. The hand that wasn’t tangled in Dean’s hair found its place on Dean’s ass. Cas’ hips moved harder and his lips broke away from Dean’s as his head fell back on his shoulder again. He gasped for air then cried out Dean’s name as his orgasm ripped through him. Cas continued moving his hips until he felt Dean filling him while groaning Cas’ name.

They both stood there panting for a moment until Dean lifted Cas’ chin and kissed him softly.

“That was...amazing, Cas.”

Cas smiled softly with a slight blush. “I wasn’t sure if it’d work. I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Dean kissed Cas softly again. “No. I’m fine. I didn’t even feel any pain.” He said as he gently ran his fingers up and down Cas’ side.

Cas reluctantly pulled away from Dean. He took his time washing Dean then washed himself, allowing Dean to help with his hair. They stepped out of the shower and Dean grumbled about having to put the brace back on. Cas told him he would sleep naked if he put it on and Dean decided that was a good enough reason to wear it. 

The two of them made their way to the makeshift bedroom with only towels around their waists. Cas helped Dean onto the bed before moving to press against his side.

Dean sighed as he wrapped an arm around Cas.

Cas glanced up at him. “What?”

Dean ran his fingers over Cas’ side. “Just wishing I could feel all of you against me.”

Cas hated to admit that Dean wasn’t the only one wanting that. He shifted to look down at Dean then started undoing the brace. “Only for a little while. We’re not falling asleep until it’s back in place.” Cas pushed the pieces aside, leaving the back of the brace in place so it’d still support Dean’s back. He then snuggled back against Dean.

“Thank you.”

Cas kissed Dean’s chest. “Well, you weren’t the only one thinking it.”

Dean laughed softly then got quiet.

“What?”

“I just didn’t expect this. Not after fighting and you needing space. Just like I didn’t expect the blow job after you’d been gone. I’m not complaining, but I have to admit it confuses me.”

Cas gently drew designs on Dean’s chest. “You thought I’d be upset and not want you to touch me for longer than I did.”

“Yeah.”

Cas shifted to look down at Dean again. “Both times I was mad, but I wasn’t mad about something you did to me. I was mad that you were being a stubborn ass and hurting yourself.”

“But I shoved you and I yelled at you.”

“And? Neither of those things physically harmed me.”

“ _ And _ you needed time away from me.”

Cas sighed softly, resting his forehead against Dean’s chest. “That wasn’t because I needed to be away from you. I just needed...I needed time to process.” He lifted his head and looked Dean in the eyes. “I’m not used to a fight not resulting in me having bruises or being face down on some surface. I’m not used to being able to walk away and not be followed and hurt for leaving. You saw it firsthand. I moved three states away and he showed up.” Cas gently placed his hand on Dean’s chest. “The fights have been triggers. When I didn’t want your touches it wasn’t you. It was touches in general. It was my mind telling me touches after a fight are bad. Sharing a bed after a fight is bad. I  _ know _ you won’t hurt me, Dean, but I can’t stop that little voice in my head that’s telling me that fights equal pain. It takes time to shut that voice up.”

“But you didn’t leave after the last one.”

Cas huffed a laugh. “Because you did something so amazing without knowing you did it. Something that basically gave the voice in my head the finger and at least quieted it.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “What did I do?”

“You let me control the blow job.”

“Huh?”

“You grabbed my hair. My mind went into panic mode and I readied myself for you to just fuck my face, but you didn’t. You just held on and let me go at my own pace and be the one in control.”

“Yeah, well, that’s pretty normal.”

Cas shook his head. “Not for me. I don’t think you understand just how much I had to trust you to be able to do that. I had to trust that you wouldn’t choke me or force me to not have access to air.”

Dean sighed as he ran his fingers over Cas’ back. “I wish I would have known just how bad things really were with him. I mean, I get it. It’s not easy to just come out and tell people just how bad you were abused.”

Cas laid back down with his head on Dean’s chest. “There was some abuse through the entire relationship. Most of it was mentally and emotionally. The last year was when the physical abuse really escalated. That was mainly because I stopped accepting his apologies and stopped acting like things were ok. He’d hit me and apologize and I’d come back at him and I’d get hit again.”

Dean’s fingers stopped moving on Cas’ back. “In the beginning did I do anything that you acted like you were ok with because you were scared I’d hit you?”

Cas shook his head. “No. Not that I can remember. The only time I can remember being afraid was the first time I spoke to your mom, but you knew I was afraid and you helped me through the fear.” Cas turned his head, kissing Dean’s chest before laying it back down. “I’ve been comfortable around you since the beginning. The first day I met you I knew we’d at least be friends. That doesn’t happen to me a lot.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head then yawned. “Good. I don’t want you to ever be afraid of me.”

Cas smiled softly then sat up, fixing the back brace, before snuggling back against Dean. “Get some sleep, Dean. I love you.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas needs Dean’s help to unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve as the very end done for a while now. The rest of the story just flowed until this chapter. I’ve been like Cas, just writing and erasing cause nothing fit. Still not sure how good of an ending this is. I debated stretching the story out more, but I might do a sequel or time jumps or something. Hope y’all enjoyed this! 😊

Dean’s back continued to heal nicely. Everyone knew that had more to do with Cas than it did Dean. As much as Dean hated to admit it, he really did love having Cas take care of him. Sure, they still had some fights when Dean was fed up with not being able to do something normal, but they’d learned to take a breather and come back to the problem with level heads.

That started after Dean threw a full blown tantrum, throwing the remote across the room. The look on Cas’ face and his body language forced Dean to man up instantly as he closed the gap and pulled Cas against him. He vowed to never let his anger get away from him like that again, at least not with Cas present.

There was a theme. All fights started with Dean’s anger and ended with Dean’s apology. 

Dean walked into the house and jumped when he heard something hit the wall in Cas’ office. He slowly made his way to the door and quietly slipped in against his better judgment. The room was a wreck. Cas had cleared his desk of everything with a swipe of his arms. Papers were scattered all over the floor. Cas picked up a book and threw it at the wall, Dean ducking to not get hit.

Cas gasped. “D-Dean. I didn’t see you there.”

Dean glanced around the room the looked at Cas. “So, I’m gonna assume something’s bothering you.”

Cas slumped into his chair with a loud sigh. “My publisher keeps pushing for updates. I’m behind schedule.”

Dean toed at some papers feeling like shit. “I’m doing better now, Cas. You can focus on your book instead of me now.”

Cas shook his head. “It’s not your fault. I’ve got writer's block.” Cas ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up wildly then wrapped his arms around himself with his fingers digging into his upper arms. “I know where I want the story to go. I just can’t get it there. It’s so frustrating.”

Dean carefully made his way over to Cas, making sure not to step on anything. He sat on Cas’s lap, straddling him as he wrapped his arms around his neck. “I think that’s part of both of our problems.” Cas gave Dean a questioning look. “We’re both very  _ frustrated _ .”

Cas sighed as he placed his hands on Dean’s hips. “And by that you mean sexually.”

Dean nodded then leaned down to suck on Cas’ pulse point.

“Dean…”

Dean bit down causing Cas’ brain to short circuit. He slowly pulled back, running his fingers over the mark as he smirked. “I was cleared today. Dr. Barnes said as long as we don’t go crazy we can have sex again. Even she could see how tense I am.” Dean kissed along Cas’ jaw line to his ear. “She said I needed to let that sexy man of mine fuck all the tension out of me.”

Cas shivered. “Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you?”

Dean nibbled on Cas’ earlobe. “And look. You already cleaned off your desk for us.”

Cas huffed a laugh. “Yeah. I guess I did.”

Dean gently lifts Cas’ chin trying to get him to look him in the eye. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s nothing.” Cas said with a sigh.

“Cas…”

Cas closed his eyes and pointed at the trash can. Dean looked over at it then pulled out a crumpled note that was hand written. He glanced at Cas as he slowly opened it then started reading.

“He’s sending you letters from behind bars? How many has he sent?”

“Two.” Cas whispered so softly Dean could barely hear him.

“Do you still have the other one?”

Cas pulled open a drawer on the desk, pulling the letter out and handing it to Dean.

Dean sighed. “Cas, why didn’t you tell me?”

Cas shrugged a little. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

Dean put the letters on the desk and pulled Cas close, making him lay his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I want you to tell me when stuff like this happens. You’ve got a restraining order. He’s not supposed to contact you at all.” Dean gently ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. “I’m gonna get these to Jody so they’ll stop. Ok?”

Cas nodded against Dean’s shoulder his fingers digging into Dean’s shoulder blades. “Thank you.”

Dean pressed his lips into Cas’ hair, inhaling deeply. “I promised to keep you safe. I just wish we had more to show the cops so he’d get put away for longer.

Cas chewed on his lip. “Like photos and a detailed account of what happened?”

“Yeah. Something like that. You didn’t report any of it did you?”

Cas shook his head. “No, but I kept a record…just in case.”

Dean pulled Cas back a little, lifting his chin and dipping his head to look in Cas’ eyes. “You don’t have to show me, but will you please show Jody?”

Cas worried his lip then nodded. Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ forehead then pulled him in close again. “We’ll keep you safe. He’s never gonna touch you again.”

Cas stayed snuggled in Dean’s arms for a while. His grip on Dean’s shoulders slowly loosened until it was just a regular embrace. “Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Angel.”

When Cas was ready, Dean called Jody telling her about the letters and that Cas had kept records. He gave Cas Jody’s email and Cas typed it into his Dropbox. After taking a deep breath he hit share, sending her numerous photos and stories. As soon as he did tears rolled down his cheeks and Dean pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Hey. I’m still here. I’ll help you through all of it.”

Cas wiped away the tears when he was ready. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t feel my legs.”

“You calling me fat, Cas?” Dean said with some humor.

Cas smirked a little. “You have gotten a little soft in the middle since you got hurt.”

Dean gasped. “Dick.”

“Assbutt.”

Dean doubled over, laughing with his forehead pressed against Cas’ shoulder. “Assbutt? What the hell, Cas?”

Cas shrugged with a small chuckle. “I don’t know. I just came out.”

————

Dean watched Cas struggle with his book. He’d seem to have a flow going, but then he’d stop and look over it and delete what he’d written. After the fifth time Dean was done. He rolled his eyes, walked over to the desk, and practically closed the laptop on his fingers.

“Dean?”

“Take a break, Cas. Every time you start doing this deleting everything you just spent thirty minutes writing thing you get discouraged and it makes it even harder for you to write.”

Cas blushed slightly. “I didn’t realize you’d noticed that.”

Dean ran his hands down Cas’ chest, planting a kiss on the top of his head. “Of course I’ve noticed. What would help you take your mind off the story for a while? You need to recalibrate then come back to it.”

Cas ran his fingers over Dean’s arm. “You.”

“Good thing you’ve got me then, huh?”

Cas hummed. “Yes, but you’ve got far too much on.”

“I can change that if you want me to.”

Cas tilted his head to look up at Dean. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood the other day. I really did want to celebrate with you.”

Dean kissed Cas’ forehead. “It’s ok. I would have felt like shit if we went through with it and then I found out what had happened. Plus, I don’t think you would have been ok with us being intimate.”

Cas smiled softly as he brought a hand up and caressed Dean’s cheek. “You’re right. Sometimes I forget that you know me so well.”

Dean turned and kissed Cas’ palm. “So, what do you say, handsome? You up for fucking me into the mattress?”

Cas got up from his chair, hooking his finger in Dean’s belt loop. “Is your back up to me doing that?” He asked as he dragged Dean to their makeshift bedroom.

“Only one way to find out.” Dean said as Cas pushed him back onto the bed. Dean started to move further onto it until Cas grabbed the waist of his jeans, stopping him.

“I want you right here.” Cas said as he undid Dean’s jeans and pulled them and his boxers off. He then grabbed the hem of Dean’s shirt and pulled it off of him.

Dean reaches for Cas’ shirt and Cas grabbed his wrist. “Hands on the bed.” Dean’s hands immediately moved to the bed to support himself.

“Very good.” Cas said as he ran his fingers over Dean’s jawline. “Now, what did the doctor say you can handle?”

Dean swallowed hard. “She said I’m cleared for sex as long as I’m not like bent in half or something and that if I feel any pinching we should stop.”

Cas ran his fingers down Dean’s neck to his chest where he traced his tattoo. He shoved Dean onto his back, watching his face to make sure there was no pain.

“Never seen this side of you, Angel.”

Cas shrugged before pulling off his shirt. “If you don’t like it I can stop.”

“No!” Dean blushed. “I mean, uh, no. Don’t stop. I like it.”

Cas gave Dean a small smirk as he turned and grabbed the lube. He put some on his fingers then pushed one into Dean, making the other man inhale sharply. “You like being owned, Dean?” He asked as he thrust his finger into him.

Dean nodded as his breathing increased. “Yeah.”

Cas pushed a second finger into Dean, watching him bite his lip because of the burn. “Has anyone ever owned you before?” 

Dean shook his head. “No.”

Cas easily worked a third finger into Dean, making him moan. “I’m the only one you’ve ever wanted to own your sexy ass.”

Dean nodded. “Fuck.”

Cas smirked as he hooked his fingers and focused on Dean’s prostate. Dean squirmed and writhed as his hands grasped the sheets tightly. His breathing became ragged and Cas watched for all the signs that Dean was about to go over the edge. As soon as he saw them he stopped and grabbed the base of Dean’s cock, making him jerk.

“Cas…” Dean whimpered.

“You don’t want this to be over before I’ve gotten undressed do you?”

Dean shook his head taking deep breaths to calm himself. Cas watched closely, loosening his hold on Dean’s cock when he knew it was safe. Dean closed his eyes working on evening out his breaths. If he hadn’t he would have seen Cas’ smirk before he once again focused all his attention on Dean’s prostate.

“Fuck! Cas!”

It didn’t take long for Dean to once again come to the edge and when Cas saw him about to go over it he stopped his fingers and grabbed the base of his cock again. Dean whined as a few tears spilled from his eyes.

“Cas,  _ please _ .” Dean begged.

Cas ran his nail up the underside of Dean’s cock before he undid his pants and got rid of them and his boxers. “Please what, Dean?”

“Please fuck me.” 

Cas grabbed Dean’s hips and sank into him, making both of them groan. Dean’s legs wrapped around Cas as Cas started plowing into Dean. Dean gasped for air as his hands clenched the sheets tightly. Cas held Dean’s hips tightly to make sure he didn’t move them as he angled them so he’d hit Dean’s prostate.

Dean cried out, his legs tightening around Cas as his orgasm shot from him, spilling all over his chest and stomach. Cas thrust a few more times before his own release filled Dean. 

Cas bent over Dean’s body, kissing and licking Dean’s cum from his body. Dean’s shaky hand tangling it’s fingers in his hair. Once Dean’s body was cleaned off Cas smacked Dean’s thigh and Dean’s legs unlocked, falling over the edge of the bed.

“Move up.”

Dean struggled to move his body so his head was on his pillow, but after a few tries he was successful and collapsed into the bed. Cas crawled onto the bed beside him and snuggled against Dean’s side.

“How was that?”

“Where the fuck did that come from?” Dean asked between breaths.

Cas laughed softly with a shrug. “I always wondered what it would be like to take charge. I was afraid that if I just fucked you it might hurt your back so I decided to get you really excited first.”

“Dude. You can take charge whenever you want. Damn. I never knew I had a kink for that.”

Cas kissed Dean’s shoulder. “Neither did I, but even I almost finished before my pants came off.”

Dean laughed as he wrapped his arm around Cas pulling him closer. “Never would have guessed my quiet little angel would have such a dark side.”

Cas hummed. “And what about you? You’re so loud and commanding sometimes. I wasn’t sure how you’d handle giving up your control.”

“You’re the only one I’d ever want to give up control to. Fuck, Cas. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. When you shoved me back on the bed…” Dean shivered at the memory.

Cas smirked. “Just imagine what we can do once you’re completely healed.”

“Fuck.”

Cas laughed as he snuggled against Dean. They fell into a comfortable moment of peace where the only sounds were their breaths and the birds in the tree outside their window. 

“Thank you.”

Dean turned his head to look at Cas. “Dude, I should be the one thanking you.”

Cas shook his head. “I mean for making me stop trying to force the story. I needed this. Ideas are just flowing now.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head. “Glad I could be of assistance.”

————

Cas walked into the room Dean was in, gently smacking his knee. “Dean? Come with me please.”

Dean looked up at Cas as he got up. “What’s up?”

“I just want to take you somewhere.” Cas said as he went to where the keys were hanging and grabbed the ones for the Impala.

“We’re taking Baby?”

“Yes.”

“Is something wrong with your car?”

“Not necessarily, but if something has to be wrong with it for me to drive the Impala then yes, something is terribly wrong with it.” Cas dead panned.

Dean rolled his eyes with a smile. “Ha. Ha.”

Cas smirked as he went out to the Impala and got in. He glanced at Dean when he slid into the passenger side. Cas started the car, driving her down the road. He didn’t drive into town like Dean was expecting, no, he headed further into the country. 

Cas glanced at Dean, who was watching the scenery as it flew by. Dean seemed to pick up on where they were headed and gave Cas a questioning look.

Cas turned down a dirt road and pulled up to a lake that Dean had told him about. It was someplace that Dean liked to go when the world was too much and he just needed someplace to reflect...or to fish.

“What are we doing here?”

Cas turned Baby off and turned so he was facing Dean. His face showed raw emotion as he looked Dean over then caressed his cheek.

“When I got that call from Sam, the one saying there had been an accident, so many different scenarios flooded my mind. A good portion of them had me losing you.”

Dean sighed softly. “Cas…”

“I can’t lose you, Dean. Not now...not ever.”

“You’re not gonna lose me. I’m not going anywhere, Angel.”

Cas smiled softly. “I got you something. Open the glove box.”

Dean eyed Cas before reaching forward and opening the compartment. Inside sat a little black box. Dean glanced at Cas as he removed it then slowly opened it with a gasp. Inside sat a black ring that resembled tire treads.

“Dean Winchester, will you marry me?”

Dean smiled as he wiped away a tear. “Yeah. Of course I’ll marry you.” He said as he pulled the ring from the box and put it on his finger. He turned, pulling Cas closer, kissing him with all the emotions he was currently feeling.

Once he pulled back Dean looked down at his hand, his thumb bending to touch the ring. “So, since you’re like famous and you asked does that mean I’ll have to be Dean Novak?” He asked with a smirk.

Cas wrinkled his nose. “That doesn’t sound nearly as good as Castiel Winchester. Besides, I can change my last name and it won’t have any effect on my books. You however, would be stuck with a lot of business cards with the wrong last name on them.”

Dean snorted. “God, Cas, I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean.”


End file.
